Why some young Christians are uninterested in the church community

I came across this article during my usual online browsing. It was about why kids who were raised in Christian homes hit college and then drop out of church in disappointingly high numbers.

The article gives ten reasons, which include the church trying too hard to be cool, kids not studying enough apologetics or knowing enough about their faith, kids getting tired of pretending to be Christians, kids' faith being based completely on feelings, they don't feel like they need faith, and they can't live by the Bible's moral teachings.

Basically, the article blames a) those lazy kids and b) watered-down theology taught in churches. I've been to dozens of churches, but I was mainly raised Presbyterian. I didn't find that any of them really watered down their theology. In fact, I thought most of the churches I went to had strong opinions and teachings.

I don't think that's the entire problem. Or even the main problem. I was one of those kids and so were many of my friends. I had zero interest in church during my last three years of college (although I made a huge effort to get to church...by bike...my freshman year). There was no animosity, just a feeling that going would be a waste of my time.

I know there are some people who feel like they fit in very well in church. This post is not for you. Know that I have not been to every church, and it's possible there is a good one out there that I should try. If you know one in Southwest Florida, let me know. But I HAVE been to a lot, and not just for visits either. I've been a member of youth groups, churches, and Bible studies, and I've been both staff and camper at a famous religious camp. I've had the exposure to write this.

This isn't about the kids who were just pretending, don't really believe, or aren't Christians. You can't do much about them. Churches don't convert others; the Holy Spirit does. This is about the young people who believe and who do have a relationship with God, but Ronald Reagan it when it comes to church attendance. So, without further ado, here is the (messy) post.

Reasons the church is losing this generation

1) Some churches are country clubs- This isn't a new complaint. Let's face it. Some churches are all about who's in and who's out. It's an exclusive club. If you pass the litmus test, appear clean and sane, don't have any sex outside of marriage (or don't tell if you did), vote for Republicans, and have the social acumen necessary to express a sweet heart, you are golden. Still, even if you fit in, there's an underlying tension that you could always fall out of favor or that you are not safe.

It's about looking perfect and then getting out of there to your "real" life. Even if you have no trouble doing this or even if you don't care what people think about you, it leaves the church feeling dead. When Jesus was on Earth, he talked about how religious people cleaned the inside of the cup and not the outside. They only cared how it looked. Young people see through that.

Also, churches are supposed to be about fellowship, but how can you get to know someone when they are always on their best behavior in the only place you see them? If young people have real friendships in the church, they are more likely to come back.

I think the number one way to get young people in church is to make them feel like church is a place where they can be themselves more than they can in the outside world. If they have to hide most of their personalities in the church, they are going to run out of will to be there.

2) Large groups have no give-and-take- In the early church, Christians met in houses. They knew each other and their community was based on actual relationships and friendships. They didn't sit and listen to one guy, every week, give his take and then leave without saying a word (or even saying hi to the guy). You can go to church, sit among hundreds of people, and leave feeling completely alone.

There is no way to build relationships in the large congregation setting. Churches know this and now they have people greet each other and shake hands during the service. THAT SOLVES EVERYTHING (sarcasm). Now, most churches have Bible studies or groups by age/gender/stage. But some of those are just a smaller version of the Sunday service. For example, all the women sit and listen to one woman teach. And then they leave (after some shallow small talk, of course).

Churches need more small groups and to have meetings at more houses. There should be little meetings going on throughout the week, and everyone should be welcome to most of them. When you split people up by category (single, married, youth group, men, women) ALL THE TIME, there are some people who won't fall into those neat categories. I was looking on the internet for a small, church-affiliated group in my town weeks ago and I came up short.

There was nothing for a single woman who was not a college student. I talked to a guy my age who is in seminary, and even he expressed frustration that you don't feel like there is a place for you in the church unless you are married or a student. Man, no one even invites a standalone person to come sit with them in church anymore! How are people supposed to go all alone? There's nothing more depressing than that.

Also, when you categorize people, they are unable to meet and learn from people who are different than they are or get to know the entire church. We worship according to race in this country. How gross is that? Churches need to make an effort to integrate, as studies show that worshipping with your own race actually makes you more racist. Seriously. Google it. Don't create cliques and ranks by only having small groups arranged by type. Have a variety so people stop comparing themselves to their peers and start getting to know other Christians.

3) Most churches need to be more service-oriented- Young people today are extremely socially conscious. I don't know if older people know that, but we are in the phase of our lives where we are still thinking about changing the world, giving food to the needy, and rescuing those in slavery.

We aren't thinking about what the neighbors think, our retirement plans, or our comfort. We are bored, and we want to be used. We want God and the church to use us for something great. Youth groups need to be less a club where we sing, listen to a guy talk, and then clique up, and more of a group with serious service projects.

Churches need to be so dedicated to making the community a better place that, were it to shut down, the atheists would be upset at the loss. You want young adults at your church? Tell them there is a job for them to do. A place for them.

Some churches have people working in the service and missions areas, but they only have the superstar Christians or paid church members doing it. You know the crotchety old man in the congregation who never talks? Find some way to use him, because I can guarantee you that if he is in church, week after week, he wants God to use him.

Don't screen people for the perfect attitude and hide the less gifted. Figure out everyone's gift and desire. We all have different skills. It's called a body for a reason. Everyone needs to have a place and opportunity to serve significantly in the church. You don't know how God is going to use someone. God used the lousiest people in the Bible. Moses couldn't speak, Elijah was depressed most of the time, etc.

Service is more important than having a building. Christians can meet anywhere. More money goes to the building than to the poor in your community or your church? That's a problem. Young people see it and seethe. It's all talk and strong opinions and polite niceness. No action.

4) You can't be honest- People are too quick to pounce on someone with a differing opinion, shutting them down, rather than respecting their right to think and question. Most people decide it's best to not rock the boat.

Also, am I the only person who thinks that churches equate extroversion, being bubbly, and gender-norm conformity to morality/spiritual maturity? There is a personality you have to have at church to be a leader, to be respected, or to be fully accepted. Especially if you're a woman. If you're a woman, you must appear sweet, humble, feminine, vulnerable, and social at all times.

In the ideal church, someone can disagree with a teaching, then someone else will politely ask him questions about that belief. He will fully air his opinion and someone might even agree. The worst thing someone will say is, "I disagree, but that's interesting. Thanks for bringing it up." And then that pot stirrer is still allowed in the group. No one says, "He's not a real Christian" or "he doesn't take the Bible seriously." They will agree to disagree and realize that we're not saved by the rightness of our doctrine. And then they will move on. They won't exclude them from projects.

5) Yeah, churches are trying too hard to be hip instead of asking why young people object to content- I'm mostly talking about the music. Adding guitars to a repetitive, lame verse doesn't make the song good or cool. Young people aren't morons. They know good music when they hear it. It doesn't matter what genre it is most of the time.

Remember when religious music was the most beautiful music around? Handel's Messiah, anyone? The stuff Bach would play in church? Classical music or deep hymns are better than a rip-off of current popular songs.

Don't believe the kiddies will like it? I was with three college students a few weekends ago and we had the opportunity to go to the same church to either a contemporary or a classical service. All three students picked the classical service because the music would be better.

When the church keeps stale, judgmental, culture-based theology and tries to cover it up with a terrible rock band, it just comes across as sad...and a little threatening. I can see some young people thinking, "Wow, this looks so great, but if that guy up there leading worship knew that I was gay, the music would stop and the faces pointed at me would be shocked and ugly." There's nothing worse than a cover up. It's the treatment of people and the delivery of the gospel that need an update, not the tunes.

6) Churches worship the Bible, not God- Quick question. What, according to John, is the Word of God? JESUS. What did the early church not have? The Bible as we know it today. And yet, through the power of the Holy Spirit, they were able to not only function, but to thrive. When a discussion actually gets on its shaking, fledgling feet in churches, it is often struck down with someone going, "Well, the Bible says this. Period."

There follows no discussion of context, interpretation, culture, time, place, or logic. It's just BOOM. Literally and wrongly taken, scripture can keep us from intellectual honesty, listening to the Holy Spirit, and spiritual growth. You can't use it as a bat to hit people over the head with. And you can't pay more attention/respect to the Bible than, you know, God himself. That comes across as dogmatic.

I love the Bible. Y'all know that. But I'm getting awful sick of hearing Christians plugging it. The Bible doesn't need to be defended. You don't have to demand that Christians respect truth. If it's true, it will ring true. If someone reads the Bible with an open mind, the Bible does a great job of plugging itself.

7) Teach the actual Bible, not just the applicable stuff- The quickest way to learn the Bible is cool is to start studying the parts that don't get much attention. Don't try to get people fired up or crying. Tell them how Jesus was quoting Psalm 22 on the cross. That's a real prophecy. That will get their attention. Don't just give out Hallmark-card anecdotes.

Most college group talks give you scripture verses on how to defeat a problem or sin in your life, and then they end with the gospel so you can apologize for not following the rules. You walk out with a piece of paper with everything the Bible has to say about lying. It's like self-help. I get that pastors think they need to make the word directly applicable to our lives, but...they really don't.

They need to teach the Bible as the story of God interacting with humans on this Earth. They need to teach it as history, as character study, as a cultural study. Bible stories aren't for kids; they are for adults. Young adults can actually relate to King David. A five-year-old can't. Bottom line, don't be afraid to just jump in and teach the Bible without trying to package it for the college life. Teach the hard stuff. Teach Leviticus. Teach us why God thought the Leviticus laws were necessary for that time. By looking at what God did, rather than what we should do, we get to know him better. That is what will affect someone.

Tell us how the gospel transformed the world or Paul's life, or how it changed the ancient culture from one of sacrifices and guilt to one of grace. Get students to love the Bible. After all, the rules are already written on their hearts. They don't need to be taught "don't lie" at this point. They need to be shown what God is like. The more you know about God, the less you want to sin, I think.

Also, churches fail to acknowledge truth from other sources. When a kid starts taking college courses that add to or contradict the Bible, they are going to feel like religion is constraining thought and progress. Early on, the church needs to validate and encourage sciences, scientific experiment, truth in other religions, the value of some of the advice Oprah gives, helpful teachings in psychology, and different points of view on the Bible.

If kids hear it from the church first, they aren't going to feel like the church is afraid of it. Also, it feels flimsy and dishonest when the church essentially says, "If it's not in our book, we don't need it." Remember, even if you believe everything in the Bible is true and from God, you must admit that not everything that's true is found in the Bible.

8) Churches eat their own wounded- I think Christians are pretty nice to nonbelievers. It's the other Christians they really crucify. If you make a mistake, people in your church will trot out the "they were never a real Christian" line. Or, worse, "they lost their salvation" (that's a Church of Christ thing). My mom got a divorce and lost nearly all of her Christian friends. Ouch.

If the church is supposed to follow Christ, what does it say when the secular world shows more grace and love than the church does to its own people? To me, it says Christianity doesn't work, and Christ's forgiveness to the sinners of his day is too audacious for "the real world" where people will "take advantage of" grace. That is an oft-heard fear that I don't think is that dangerous or prevalent in practice. Everyone tries to do what they think is right, God or no God.

Churches have this attitude of "once converted, you are fully converted." They don't think about Peter getting jealous of Paul's success even after he received the Holy Spirit, do they? No one is ever perfect, and Christians need love the most when they mess up. We're born with shame and feel guilt. One time, I messed up a lot, and it just felt good to hear my mom say, "We've all done that exact thing at one point or another."

Acceptance didn't make me "stop trying" or "take advantage of grace." It just made me feel loved. Instead of shunning a Christian until they get it together, put your arm around their shoulder and say, "Yeah, most of us have been there in some way. You'll figure it out. We love you." People don't care what you know until they know that you care.

9) Spiritually dead rituals- This may come as a shock to you, but the big buildings reaching toward the sky, the services, the one speaker, and many of the rote traditions in Christianity come from Paganism. I don't know about you, but when people start lighting the stupid advent candles, I start playing with my phone. (Also, why don't we sing AFTER the sermon, when we know what we are singing about and are in the mood to worship?)

But I get serious when communion comes out. Even as a kid, it just felt important to me. That's because it's a spiritually rich tradition, started by Jesus. Churches can make their own traditions or follow old ones, as long as people know the meaning behind them or as long as it brings people together. Most of them are just a bunch of pomp and circumstance. That really turns a lot of young people off.

10) Older people making you go and making you conform- First off, no one wants to go to church if they are forced to go. Even if they are sitting there, they will naturally rebel against it. They will find fault with everything they can, argue mentally with the sermon, and feel happy to get out of it. When you're 13, you should have a choice of whether you go.

Also, older people don't realize that younger people have their own culture. All cultures have good and bad. Older people need to drop the insignificant stuff like hair length and color, slang, shoes, piercings, racial blending, etc. Older people need to accept a melting pot rather than making young people pretend to conform.

We had enough of the pressure to hide differences in high school. We're over that. It can't be stressed enough. Kids need to feel like they can have their own personalities and thoughts at church rather than some cookie-cutter norm.

11) Too much pressure on one man- I love the trend of rotating pastors. If there is a too-enormous pressure on one man, he is going to become a hypocrite. His sin is going to have to be hidden and then it is going to grow. Share the load. Share the power. He's way less likely to get caught in a torrid affair if he's part of a group of teachers. Also, we need to bring back the confessing of sins to each other, once the other Christian has earned our trust. Leaders should encourage that. Leaders should support each other.

12) Emphasizing sexual sins over pride-based ones- Enough said. We’re not going to ditch our gay friends because church people get quiet and weird when we talk about them or bring them around. 

13) Gossip- The ultimate church killer.

In total, young people are looking for a church to be based on real relationships/fellowship, genuine people and leaders, service to the community, fear-free and challenging teachings, beautiful music/art, and grace for each other. If I found a church like that, I'd go.

Job 3

Job goes on a rant. All these people talk in these long poems or stanzas. You could make a GREAT opera of this book. I'm going to give you an abridged Message version of what he says. You can google the KJV or NIV or ESV for comparison later, if you want.

"Obliterate the day I was born and blank out the night I was conceived. Turn that night into pure nothingness- no sounds of pleasure from that night, ever. May those who are good at cursing curse that day. May God forget it ever happened. Erase it from the books, rip the date off the calendar. Unleash the Leviathan on it. May its morning stars turn to black cinders, waiting for a daylight that never comes. And why? Because it released me from my mother's womb into a life with so much trouble.

Why didn't I die at birth? Why were there arms to rock me and breasts for me to drink from? I could be resting in peace right now, asleep forever, feeling no pain...where bone-weary people get a long-deserved rest? The small and great are equals in that place and slaves are free from their masters.

Why does God bother giving light to the miserable? Why bother keeping bitter people alive? Those who want in the worst way to die and can't, who can't imagine anything better than death? What's the point of life when it doesn't make sense? When God blocks all the roads to meaning? Instead of bread, I get groans for my supper, then leave the table and vomit my anguish. The worst of my fears has come true. What I'd dreaded most has happened. My repose is shattered. My peace destroyed. No rest for me, ever- death has invaded life."

I think that sometimes in modern Christianity, we are given the following messages: 1) Sad people and moaners are selfish, 2) it's best to pretend that you are perfect and your life is perfect, 3) emotional people are crazy, and 4) Godly people have all the answers to the meaning of life.

Notice that all that doesn't qualify as cursing God or a win for Satan. Job is showing great emotion and misery. He's not sitting peacefully like a nun or a saint in a cartoon, raising his glowing face while angel choirs back up his stoic meditations. He's upset, he's allowed to be, and he's not hiding it.

He's questioning the meaning of life. That's something we all deal with. Yeah, we have more information about the afterlife, Jesus, and the Great Commission, but we all want to know the details about what we are contributing. Life must have some meaning in addition to evangelizing, or the pre-Jesus people were just a waste of everyone's time. God doesn't create wastes of time.

Looking at his situation, it's easy to see why Job feels like his life has come to nothing. He doesn't even have anything left to leave on the Earth. (If it were the present day, you can just see some good Christian coming out of the woodwork with a five-step plan to get Job right with God. In many circles, they have all the answers. There's no mystery left.)

I want to note that, obviously, Job did not kill himself or attempt to kill himself. Even though the Bible is largely silent on suicide, we intrinsically know that we are breaking some sort of important rule. At least Job did.

Also, Job isn't specifically complaining about his health, the deaths, or his material losses. He goes right to the spiritual issues. "What's the meaning of my life?" "Why did God put me here?" "I have no peace." The agony mostly comes from the existential crisis these losses have brought about, not the physical problems.

There is also a question of whether Satan was attacking Job's mind, giving him depression and spiritual malaise in addition to sickness. I find this unlikely. The human mind can drum this stuff up without the Devil's help.

I think this passage is great for people who question whether they add anything to the world or whether they should have been born. Job thought this way, and he ended up having a great destiny. He won a cosmic battle between God and Satan, brought glory to God and goodness, proved his judgmental friends wrong, became closer to God, taught millions of believers important lessons, and ended up with more riches and family than ever before.