My #1 Marriage Rule

 ²⁴Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

We are now two chapters into Genesis. You know the drill: God made Adam and Eve, put them in the garden, gave them the job of garden upkeep, and told them not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil (totally knowing that they were going to). Also interesting is that the knowledge of what is good comes with a knowledge of evil. They tend to define each other, at least on this Earth.

But my favorite verse in chapter 2 is verse 24 because it’s so useful and relevant to life. It’s where the Bible just randomly states that a man shall cleave unto his wife and leave his parents. It seems random because Adam and Eve didn’t even HAVE parents. They might not even have had belly buttons. God scrounged Adam from the dust and whipped Eve out of his rib (causing boys at Christian camps to chant “from our rib! From our rib!” every time there is some sort of girls v. boys contest). Still, the writer took the time to throw this in there because it’s important. It's also in the Bible three other times. It's a clear command mentioned in both the old and new testaments.

This verse is so necessary and so overlooked in Christian families. In most families, it is seen as the best possible thing to keep the peace with your parents and always have their approval. But sometimes your spouse doesn’t totally fit in with your clan. Sometimes he or she does things differently and clashes with your family. Guess what. The Bible says you have to take your spouse’s side. Because you are one person now. I tell ya what, when I get married and there is some sort of dumb family dispute and my parents are 100% right, I’m still gonna take my husband’s side like a stubborn mule that won't see reason. Also, there is such a thing as getting too much of your advice from your parents, even if they are wise (and mine are). You can't be objective with them.

This doesn’t seem like such a big deal, but I have seen literally dozens of marriages either suffer or end due to failure to cleave. It is a HUGE problem and it’s a sneaky one. If you think hard about your circle of friends or even your own family, I’m certain you can think of one example in your life where one person just hasn’t left home. Maybe it’s even you. If they aren’t hanging on their parents’ every word about themselves, they are still carrying around anger or issues or other junk. Their parents are still their most important relationships, they are serving them above their spouse, and they are trying to please them above their spouse. They are splitting their attentions when having a family and working through a marriage is hard enough. 

Or they are repeating patterns from home. They haven’t worked out the issues they developed growing up. They haven’t grown up. Some people let their parents talk badly about their spouses. Some people let their parents make major decisions that the husband and wife should make together and work out together. Families should be as close as is healthy, sure. But you have to have left your parents in order to figure out how the two of you do things, or it really isn’t going to work. 

Because of the damage I've seen due to failure to cleave, it might be my number one rule for my future marriage. If that means moving out of the state or country, I’ve seen that work for three fledgling families with strong, influential in-laws. They are three of the most solid marriages I know of. They knew they needed space to make their own way because the Bible told them too. My advice to married couples is to not discuss their marriages with their parents. Don't enlist them in your fights or vent to them. Keep it in the marriage.

(The other verse I like in this chapter: “And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.”- For good commentary on this, watch the Breathe video that I posted earlier, if you haven’t already.)

Day of Rest

Wishing all the Catholics a good Ash Wednesday today. I like it because it makes you all easier to spot. I like Catholics, so it's nice to see which ones are really devout so I can like the person more. I'm sick today and have been for days, so this one will be pretty simple. I'm skipping to day seven of creation. 

In college, I had a roommate who worked very hard in a difficult major. She was always studying. I was always watching TV. This is probably why I made bad grades and she got a good job. (Sidenote: I've very recently realized that some of my casual words and jokes hurt her more than I thought they did. It's a lesson that people actually do care what I say about them, and that I should strive to be kinder. I feel really crummy about this.) Anyway, despite all the work she always had to do, even if there was an exam on Monday, this girl would take Sunday off. I didn't think this was legalistic; I admired it. The Sabbath is kind of a forgotten concept now that it's not a law. I had never met anyone who took the Sabbath so seriously. 

Until I hung out with this other guy. He told me that he stopped going to his church because the congregation was more serious about football on Sundays than on taking the Sabbath seriously. I said, "But it's fun! It's resting!" And he was all, "NO. That's not what the Sabbath is for." We argued for a while after that because I always argue with him. Most of the time, he's right. He's around 80 years old, so he's got the wisdom of age. But I didn't leave the argument agreeing with him this time. Is it not about relaxation and fun? Do you have to spend that day studying the Bible or praying? Or is socializing with others fine? Do you think it matters which day you pick? I don't.

I think when you rest, you do what you want to do, not what you have to do or should do. I think you should do what restores you and gives you energy, rather than what drains you. It's a refilling time. For some people, that's painting or going for walks, even though for others that would absolutely be work. The most important thing to remember with the Sabbath concept is that the natural order of things is work, then rest. It's best not to ignore any of them. In a perfect world, I would take Sunday or Saturday off to just rest. But I'm in law school and I don't manage my study time as well as my friend did. I'm trying, but sometimes I just have to do work on a Sunday. Do you treat one day a week differently from the other days, for Sabbath purposes?

Media: I would like to add the Mumford and Sons album to my list of good spiritual songs. Except for the song with the F-word of course. That song is really good though. The lyrics are just not representative of what's on the rest of the album. (It seems that all my bridges have been burnt/But you say that's exactly how this grace thing works/It's not the long walk home that will change his heart/But the welcome I receive with the restart", "In these bodies we will live/In these bodies we will die/Where you invest your love/You invest your life/ … Awake my soul/For you were made to meet your maker" "Can you lie next to her/And give her your heart/Your heart, as well as your body/ … Your love, as well as your folly?" "But there will come a time you'll see no more tears/And love will not break your heart/But dismiss your fears") Holy moly, it's good. I also read "Not a Fan" by Kyle Idleman. It said some good, important stuff, but I think Francis Chan said it all better in "Crazy Love." Also, the reading level could accommodate your average 11-year-old, which is great for a lot of people but led to me not being as engaged as I might have been as a teen. Maybe I wasn't the book's audience. Still, for content, recommended.

Well, now I'm blogging on Wednesday

Due to my trial team thingy having Friday practices, I'm moving this blog's posting days to Wednesday. For now, you can watch most people's favorite Nooma video. I have a friend who went to the Jewish version of seminary and teaches Hebrew, and that person confirmed Bell's talk about the name of God representing the breathing sounds in that language. As I've said before, while some of his stuff is controversial, lots of Bell's stuff is still useful even to those who disagree with him the most.

And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light

Yeahhhh, verse 3. Makin' progress. Last week, I addressed why and this week, I want to get into how a little bit, even though no one really knows for sure. The creation account is a problem for many. That there are so many types of creationists (young Earth, old Earth, gap, day-age, progressive, and intelligent design) and theistic evolutionists means that there has to be a lot of maneuvering on the part of Christians to get this to make sense. None of these are perfect and all have areas with unanswered questions. I think the best way is to go along with modern science as much as possible, because it’s done a heck of a lot for, you know, medicine and inventions and stuff.

Some go as literal as possible, but I think the majority of Christians point out that the word “day” in Genesis 1 could also mean era and then they go right to 2 Peter 3:8. That’s the way Augustine took it. Many Christians posit that Genesis 1 is not a literal account but a poem or some sort of similar literary device. Many people retort that the repetition and style in the so-called “creation poem” is unlike other poetry in Ancient Israel or the rest of the Bible. But do all poems have to fit the most popular style of the day? You have to admit that after this chapter concludes, the style of the writer changes. The repetition ceases and it’s not like a structured song anymore by the time Adam shows up. These are both decent theories.

The thing Christians have going for them in any creation debate is the precise nature of the universe. That horse has been beaten to death, because it is such a good horse, so I won’t go into it here. (If you are curious about the level of precision, I really enjoyed Rob Bell’s “Everythingis Spiritual” It’s nerdy, especially when he goes into quantum physics, but it’s also entertaining and mind-blowing, if you have about an hour. Also, it’s really nice that, in Christianity, the world came to be through loving creation, rather than some war between gods, conflict, or randomness. The Jewish scriptures are unique in that way.

Sometimes science works for Genesis 1, rather than against it. Example: the Big Bang Theory. It would be MUCH better for atheists if the universe had gone on forever and not had a moment of creation. Lots of religions posit that and, until evidence for the BBT mounted, many scientists thought the universe was infinite as well. Now, we have the second law of thermodynamics (a physics law) predicts that all existing matter had a beginning, because it says that things break down.We've grown up with the BBT and forget that it wasn't always accepted. We take it for granted. The Big Bang marks the instant at which the universe began, when space and time, came into existence, and all the matter in the cosmos started to expand, according to a website. Before that? Who knows.

Evidence for the BBT: Hubble saw through his telescope that galaxies are hurtling rapidly away from each other and space is expanding. This is happening because everything was flung apart by an explosion. There is some debate over whether the BBT involved an explosion in the beginning, but there is still radiation in the universe from some sort of explosion that send the galaxies whizzing apart. Traced back with math and stuff, the galaxies were shown to have had a common point of origin 15 billion years ago. There was a moment in which all the universe’s mass was compressed into a dense point, smaller than a single atom. Then, in the Big Bang, the universe was filled with light. 

So, the material universe was created in this burst of light and energy, and material had a nonmaterial cause. The Big Bang created all the laws of space, time, and physics. Everything the scientists study now, including the means by which they study it, express their findings, and all they can put under a microscope came into being at a single moment of creation. They can only see the bubble that they admit was created at a certain point in time. The knowledge of science starts at the Big Bang and cannot see anything that happened before that point. Does that sound bad for Christian creationists? Nope. The Bible is relatively unique in saying the universe had a definite beginning (God created the heavens and the Earth). The Eastern religions say that time stretches back indefinitely, in cycles. In other ancient religions, Earth had a beginning, but not the universe.

Genesis 1 was controversial in the ancient days too. The way this God did things was not the way other ancient gods did things. The Bible could have avoided all this hoo ha and started with the Eden. leaving this creation out, but it didn’t, because it was sure there was a definite, light-filled beginning out of nothing, despite no one else seeing it this way. 

Even better, the order of things coming about in Genesis matches the order in modern science. The Big Bang shows that there was light before the sun, just like in Genesis. We’re pretty sure the wise men of the ancient days were saying, “Look, I just don’t see how you can put light and days in your story before the sun shows up. It makes no sense!” And it didn’t make sense. Until modern science caught up. This happens multiple times in the Bible, and I will be sure to point out the ones I know about as we go on. There might be other things we as a society have yet to catch up on.

I’m open-minded on this whole thing. Whatever theories are true, I still believe in salvation, God, love, the afterlife, order in the universe, laws of the universe, that God caused the universe to come into being, and the general wisdom of the Bible. Whether it’s a poem or the word “day” should be “era” doesn’t matter to me, because 99% of the Bible makes so much sense when compared with the world around it. It is absolutely dead-on when it comes to describing the human heart. Now, we see it making a call that took scientists thousands of years to agree with. There are going to be times when we don’t know exactly what happened, how it happened, or if science interpreted it right. But since the 99% is so accurate, that’s earned the Bible a lot of credit when it comes to the 1% I don’t get yet. 

This post only scratches the surface of scientific debate and apologist stuff, so if this topic interests you, there are thousands of things written on it, from all perspectives. Please, add your thoughts and arguments, if you have them. I'm thinking about moving to the part where people show up, if this creation business is getting boring.

Life Before Us

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth. Now, the Earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. Genesis 1-2

I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed. -John 17:4-5

Oh, hey, this blog! My head has not been in this space this week (thinking about God). Schoolwork, friends, and family kind of took over. But this blog really helps suck me back into this stuff, even when I’m not in the mood to spend time with God, so maybe I should write the promised post on what was up before the world began.

I think it’s important to note here that God created the heavens. He wasn’t floating around in space; he made space. He created the heavens, then a water-covered earth to put inside the heavens. That means that God created the universe and is outside it. I remember C.S. Lewis pointing out that this means God is likely outside the rules and laws of the universe and that he created those. Things like gravity, distance, speed, and time were all created by God. This means God is outside time and can exist on a plane without time, where everything just IS. 

I like Lewis' suggestion, because it means a) the concept of eternity is less foreboding and long-sounding, (Eternity might be a word for another plane, not a measure of time/forever and ever and ever, even though eternity will always be around) and b) it explains the whole “then who made God” question. If there is no time, there is no beginning, and God didn’t need a start. God created time itself and outside of that, God just WAS on a level of reality that we can't comprehend or measure yet.

I also like it because it gets me excited that there are things outside the universe that wouldn’t fit into our laws and reality. One day, we are going to get to see things our minds aren’t able of even imagining. Everything we know about or can build on comes from this bubble we are in, and all of that stuff is amazing by itself. Scientists know that we haven’t come close to plumbing all the truths and mysteries of just our bubble. So, for people who love to discover and hate the thought of cynically realizing one day that they’ve “seen it all,” the possibility of another world just as rich as ours is exciting. I already get excited reading about scientific discoveries and theories HERE. We tend to think of God’s world, outside of space, as some airy-fairy place, rather than a solid, powerful, warm, possibly physical, and interesting place. We think of nothingness when we think of before the world. It's probably better to think the opposite. I bet it's quite full.

So, what does this mean to us, here and now? Understanding what life was like before us and why God made us will affect how we live here. Notice that the Spirit of God was present in Genesis 1. In John, the Bible talks about The Word being there too (The Word being Jesus). So we have all three involved in this (Father, Son, HS). The Holy Spirit was hovering over the water. According to multiple commentaries, the word “hovering” in the original writings was more like “fluttering,” which is a verb used in association with a mother bird fluttering over her young. The verb signifies a protective hovering. In Jesus, we see the bridegroom and God is always called “Father” or “Abba.” Is the Holy Spirit the mother aspect of God? 

My pastor crush, Tim Keller, thinks John 17:4-5 means that the three glorify each other and have since the before the world began. C.S. Lewis agreed and compared God’s life to a dance, where, before we came along, the three were pulsating with life, loving each other, encircling and enveloping each other, serving each other, communing with each other, and, as Keller puts it, “infinitely seeking one another’s glory.” Before we showed up, God had a good thing going and he was everything we know him to be now. 

Lewis writes, “This matters more than anything else in the world. The whole dance, or drama, or pattern of this…is to be played out in each one of us. Joy, power, peace, and eternal life are a great fountain of energy and beauty spurting up at the very center of reality.” Keller says, “Lewis chooses to dwell on the image of the dance because a self-centered life is a stationary life…it wants to be the center around which everything else orbits.” If everyone is always just thinking about themselves and reacting to how things affect THEM, everyone is just standing there and the dance is ruined.

Keller points out that in the Godless version of the creation story, everything is about power and violence. With natural selection and random chaos, without God's guiding hand, strength is the ultimate reality. In the Genesis story, self-giving is the “ultimate reality.” God practiced love since before time began and created us out of that. Keller asks, “Are you in the dance, or do you just believe God is out there somewhere? Or are you looking for someone to orbit around you.” You know that’s a convicting question. We all think we are the stars of our own lives. 

Someone once told me that if they could ask God any question, it would be, “Why did he make us at all?” Life is hard. God isn’t lonely (clearly). Why put us through it? The answer is so that we could be a part of this thing that God has experienced before the universe was made. To “enter into a divine trance” with the F, S, and HS. That experience and reality is worth all of this trouble and the long road to get there.

Other notes:

-The world was not created out of God, but out of nothing. The ancient Hebrew word bara (created) indicates this.

- Darkness was on the face of the deep: This may describe a sense of resistance to the moving of the Holy Spirit on the earth. Some speculate this was because Satan was cast down to the earth (Isaiah 14:12; Ezekiel 28:16) and resisted God’s plan.- a commentary

Next week: Creation, probably. Unless I encounter something else this week that I just have to write about.

This week: Comment on Gen 1:1-2 with any teachings, additions, observations, disagreements, arguments, or questions. You know you want to. The stats say I get around 100 visits a week (I sure wish it had the numbers my TV blog does, haha). This does not translate into 100 comments. I mean, you could at least make fun of me for how much I quote the same two dudes (who are awesome and that's why).

Changing to every Friday

Tuesday has become a really awkward day for me, since the semester started, so this blog will have posts on Friday night now. :-) Obviously, you can read on whatever day you want.

This is for Christians: How to talk to a non-Christian about God without making it awkward

The average person may see 3,000 to 5,000 advertisements today. We are good at ignoring what’s not important to us and drowning out the noise. Plenty of Christians stand on the side of the road with microphones. Is it effective or is it spam? I get that Christians are told to share the gospel. It’s in the Bible. Lots of Christians think that converting someone is the ONLY worthwhile thing you can really do in life (it’s not). There is no shortage of opportunity to talk about God with other people. The big questions are on everyone’s minds. They want to talk about it; they just want to be respected and for the friendship to survive the conversation.

Lots of people who are wiser than I am have outlined what to say and how to say it clearly. These are my rules for keeping the discussions I love to have civil. Sometimes, I am even able to follow them. 

1) Don't make it a conversion. Make it a seed-planting conversation to get both of you thinking about the important stuff. Go into it realizing that you don’t know everything about God and there is something you believe, right now, about God that is false or skewed. The other person, no matter what they believe, might say something that changes your whole perspective on some spiritual aspect. You’re not the only teacher here. Go in with the “we’re going to figure this out together” mentality. 

2) There's no fear in love. You can either go into it with an  “If I don’t do this right, this person may potentially go to hell” attitude. Or you can go into it with a “I’m really obsessed with this topic and I love to talk about it, because it rocks and I like to share” attitude. Your attitude shouldn’t be “please believe this.” It should be, “God loves you more than I ever could. I trust him with your life. I’m not in control of this. This person’s soul isn’t riding on me. It’s between him and the Holy Spirit. There’s nothing I can think of on my own power that will work. It all comes from God, if it comes. I’m just going to focus on doing more good than harm and pointing out as much of God that I can, making this person feel valued, and loving them.” A lot of the time, the victory will be getting people to think about these issues in the first place, rather than walk around distracted.

 3) Don't be rude. Listen to their ideas. Ask yourself, “Does this person want to talk about this?” Look at body language for cues. Be relaxed. Don’t be defensive. Or offensive. Don’t push for any decision RIGHT NOW. Don’t apply pressure. That’s when it gets awkward. Don’t make someone repeat the sinner’s prayer after you. I saw someone do this once and it was…just…so bad. That guy did not walk away a Christian. He walked away angry and hurt. Don’t threaten people with hell or tell someone they are in a cult if they are Catholic or something. OBVIOUSLY. Don’t tell an atheists that atheists don’t have morals. When you say that, and he doesn’t murder you for being a jerk, that, right there, is proof that atheists have morals.

4) Show you care/actions speak louder. One of the best quotes I’ve ever heard is: “People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.” Try service. Show God. Preaching the gospel is not the only God-honoring thing to be done. Everything you do that is good is for the glory of God, to show how life should be. In some ways, loving others is in itself sharing the gospel. I recently met some young men who pushed a woman’s car for her after it had died (up the only hill in Florida.) I think that’s how to do it.

5) Remember that everyone is different. People don’t care what you know until you know THEM, at least a little bit. Everyone who isn’t into God has a reason. They might know EVERYTHING about Christianity, but have been burned by the church. I knew someone who was abused by religious people and shook every time he was taken to church. You are not going to come up to him and start talking about Adam and Eve’s original sin. Heck, this guy might be the one person who needs to know about God’s loving wrath that will wipe away every injustice and evil. The God who doesn’t put up with oppression and who says the last will be first. Usually you don’t lead with the theme of God’s wrath, do you? 

If you don’t know someone as a person, how they think, and what they already believe, you are at a huge disadvantage, and they are not going to feel understood. They are going to feel like you are forcing a pre-planned spiel on them that you would force on just anyone else. Have you ever thought of actually becoming someone’s FRIEND, unconditionally, before you try to convert them to your religion. People have specific questions, concerns, and priorities. Start with those. Ask what they believe and why. Ask them what they think life is all about and what they want out of it.

6) Controversial tip: I have given up drinking for the year and lots of people think any drinking is a sin. However, I’ve had plenty of conversations with Christians who says that having one or two beers with a person is magic when it comes to spiritual discussions. One beer relaxes them and opens them up. It’s when people want to talk and be honest. In college one beer, with no drunkenness, once led to a SIX HOUR conversation with an agnostic. If you don’t drink, this isn’t in your tool bag and that’s fine. If you drink, consider doing it in your apartment with one other person (rather than in a crowded club), casually mentioning God in the conversation, and then watching as that other person jumps on the opportunity to talk about it. Just don’t get drunk or even buzzed.

7) Open up. This isn’t a holiness competition. Share your failures, weaknesses, and what God has done in your life, including what you STILL struggle with. It shows where God is strong when you are weak. Also, no one is going to open up to you if you are sitting there acting perfect.

8) Avoid clichés. Steer clear of terms that are well-known. Use new words, because lots of the old ones have become too familiar and have lost their power or original meaning.

9) Use scripture. But you should know it enough that you can paraphrase it. That way, it sounds natural and not recited.

10) Use our stories. If you are a fantasy fan, all the better. If you can use Lord of the Rings when explaining the addictive nature of sin (the ring, precious), all the better. If you can slip the gospel in when you explain The Matrix, heck, why not? Harry Potter is rife with opportunity. Heck, there are two verses straight from the Bible in the seventh book. Fantasy can lead to a discussion and it can provide useful examples. C.S. Lewis knew that and wrote Narnia so that people could become familiar with Christianity.

 11) The gospel goes conviction THEN grace. When you start to fit the gospel into it (and, believe me, the gospel can be inserted into just about every issue if you know how to apply it), talk about sin and pride. It’s sin THEN grace. Grace is awesome, but don’t go straight to the atonement part. Don’t use the word sin (because we are avoiding what might be perceived as clichés), but describe personal failings and missing the mark. Talk about how everyone thinks they are a good person, but in everyday situations, they fail. Talk about your ego and specific examples of that. Don’t accuse. Just point out what you’re guilty of when you know others can relate. Get them thinking about that.

12) The good stuff. The things you can be more direct about is grace, love, and forgiveness. Restoration. The resurrection. Hope. Purpose. Harp on how Christianity is the only grace-based religion. If they beat themselves up, that’s when to bring grace up. Talk about what God has done in your life and how you can’t imagine going back to regular.

13) It's more important to get someone to consider God than to flip on abortion. Be careful of mixing in politics. You really don’t want people confusing God and whatever clowns are running for political office these days.

14) Look for common ground. There’s a lot of it. Say “I absolutely agree” or “you’re right about that” whenever you can. It reinforces the idea that you two are in this together, figuring things out.

15) You are sharing your experience. Rob Bell asks one of his books, “Are you smoking what you’re selling?” Make sure your joy comes through and that you aren’t exaggerating God’s effect on your life. You tell your friends about what you like. You turn them onto books and movies. This is the same thing: sharing something you love with your friends. If you don’t have it or if you have been neglecting it, you’re not going to have anything from which to draw.

16) Don't argue. If the discussion ever turns into an argument, turn your side into one of questioning. Ask them questions. Poke holes with questions only. Turn it into an investigation. Arguments don’t help. The gospel is a heart thing first and then a head thing after. Leave the apologetics at home and don’t whip them out unless the other person really has questions about that issue.

  

 17) Yeah, but how do I bring it up? Live a life that cannot be explained without the Holy Spirit. You can’t make that happen yourself or fake it. You have to get close to God and rely on him and take major risks. That’s what’s going to stand out. Drop references to religion and wait for the other person to pounce. If people want to talk about it, they will stay with the topic. If they don’t, they will change the subject. Don’t be afraid to bring it up, because them changing the subject is the worst thing that can happen if you are intuitive in the first stage of the conversation. 

Often, they will bring God up themselves. Remember, everything has a spiritual aspect. Every book, idea, debate, event, person, relationship, etc. has some spiritual question or issue at the center. The world is full of opportunities to make a comment that can get a discussion going. Be aware of time and place. Over a dinner table and one-on-one is best, I think. 

Next week: I’m gonna go through Genesis. Next week will be devoted to Genesis 1-3, mainly, God before we showed up. What happened before the beginning, what was it like, how do we know, and why we should care. OBVIOUSLY I don’t know everything about that, because I wasn't there (that I remember, haha), so commentary is welcome.

Disagree with any of the tips? Let me know.