Changing to every Friday

Tuesday has become a really awkward day for me, since the semester started, so this blog will have posts on Friday night now. :-) Obviously, you can read on whatever day you want.

This is for Christians: How to talk to a non-Christian about God without making it awkward

The average person may see 3,000 to 5,000 advertisements today. We are good at ignoring what’s not important to us and drowning out the noise. Plenty of Christians stand on the side of the road with microphones. Is it effective or is it spam? I get that Christians are told to share the gospel. It’s in the Bible. Lots of Christians think that converting someone is the ONLY worthwhile thing you can really do in life (it’s not). There is no shortage of opportunity to talk about God with other people. The big questions are on everyone’s minds. They want to talk about it; they just want to be respected and for the friendship to survive the conversation.

Lots of people who are wiser than I am have outlined what to say and how to say it clearly. These are my rules for keeping the discussions I love to have civil. Sometimes, I am even able to follow them. 

1) Don't make it a conversion. Make it a seed-planting conversation to get both of you thinking about the important stuff. Go into it realizing that you don’t know everything about God and there is something you believe, right now, about God that is false or skewed. The other person, no matter what they believe, might say something that changes your whole perspective on some spiritual aspect. You’re not the only teacher here. Go in with the “we’re going to figure this out together” mentality. 

2) There's no fear in love. You can either go into it with an  “If I don’t do this right, this person may potentially go to hell” attitude. Or you can go into it with a “I’m really obsessed with this topic and I love to talk about it, because it rocks and I like to share” attitude. Your attitude shouldn’t be “please believe this.” It should be, “God loves you more than I ever could. I trust him with your life. I’m not in control of this. This person’s soul isn’t riding on me. It’s between him and the Holy Spirit. There’s nothing I can think of on my own power that will work. It all comes from God, if it comes. I’m just going to focus on doing more good than harm and pointing out as much of God that I can, making this person feel valued, and loving them.” A lot of the time, the victory will be getting people to think about these issues in the first place, rather than walk around distracted.

 3) Don't be rude. Listen to their ideas. Ask yourself, “Does this person want to talk about this?” Look at body language for cues. Be relaxed. Don’t be defensive. Or offensive. Don’t push for any decision RIGHT NOW. Don’t apply pressure. That’s when it gets awkward. Don’t make someone repeat the sinner’s prayer after you. I saw someone do this once and it was…just…so bad. That guy did not walk away a Christian. He walked away angry and hurt. Don’t threaten people with hell or tell someone they are in a cult if they are Catholic or something. OBVIOUSLY. Don’t tell an atheists that atheists don’t have morals. When you say that, and he doesn’t murder you for being a jerk, that, right there, is proof that atheists have morals.

4) Show you care/actions speak louder. One of the best quotes I’ve ever heard is: “People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.” Try service. Show God. Preaching the gospel is not the only God-honoring thing to be done. Everything you do that is good is for the glory of God, to show how life should be. In some ways, loving others is in itself sharing the gospel. I recently met some young men who pushed a woman’s car for her after it had died (up the only hill in Florida.) I think that’s how to do it.

5) Remember that everyone is different. People don’t care what you know until you know THEM, at least a little bit. Everyone who isn’t into God has a reason. They might know EVERYTHING about Christianity, but have been burned by the church. I knew someone who was abused by religious people and shook every time he was taken to church. You are not going to come up to him and start talking about Adam and Eve’s original sin. Heck, this guy might be the one person who needs to know about God’s loving wrath that will wipe away every injustice and evil. The God who doesn’t put up with oppression and who says the last will be first. Usually you don’t lead with the theme of God’s wrath, do you? 

If you don’t know someone as a person, how they think, and what they already believe, you are at a huge disadvantage, and they are not going to feel understood. They are going to feel like you are forcing a pre-planned spiel on them that you would force on just anyone else. Have you ever thought of actually becoming someone’s FRIEND, unconditionally, before you try to convert them to your religion. People have specific questions, concerns, and priorities. Start with those. Ask what they believe and why. Ask them what they think life is all about and what they want out of it.

6) Controversial tip: I have given up drinking for the year and lots of people think any drinking is a sin. However, I’ve had plenty of conversations with Christians who says that having one or two beers with a person is magic when it comes to spiritual discussions. One beer relaxes them and opens them up. It’s when people want to talk and be honest. In college one beer, with no drunkenness, once led to a SIX HOUR conversation with an agnostic. If you don’t drink, this isn’t in your tool bag and that’s fine. If you drink, consider doing it in your apartment with one other person (rather than in a crowded club), casually mentioning God in the conversation, and then watching as that other person jumps on the opportunity to talk about it. Just don’t get drunk or even buzzed.

7) Open up. This isn’t a holiness competition. Share your failures, weaknesses, and what God has done in your life, including what you STILL struggle with. It shows where God is strong when you are weak. Also, no one is going to open up to you if you are sitting there acting perfect.

8) Avoid clichés. Steer clear of terms that are well-known. Use new words, because lots of the old ones have become too familiar and have lost their power or original meaning.

9) Use scripture. But you should know it enough that you can paraphrase it. That way, it sounds natural and not recited.

10) Use our stories. If you are a fantasy fan, all the better. If you can use Lord of the Rings when explaining the addictive nature of sin (the ring, precious), all the better. If you can slip the gospel in when you explain The Matrix, heck, why not? Harry Potter is rife with opportunity. Heck, there are two verses straight from the Bible in the seventh book. Fantasy can lead to a discussion and it can provide useful examples. C.S. Lewis knew that and wrote Narnia so that people could become familiar with Christianity.

 11) The gospel goes conviction THEN grace. When you start to fit the gospel into it (and, believe me, the gospel can be inserted into just about every issue if you know how to apply it), talk about sin and pride. It’s sin THEN grace. Grace is awesome, but don’t go straight to the atonement part. Don’t use the word sin (because we are avoiding what might be perceived as clichés), but describe personal failings and missing the mark. Talk about how everyone thinks they are a good person, but in everyday situations, they fail. Talk about your ego and specific examples of that. Don’t accuse. Just point out what you’re guilty of when you know others can relate. Get them thinking about that.

12) The good stuff. The things you can be more direct about is grace, love, and forgiveness. Restoration. The resurrection. Hope. Purpose. Harp on how Christianity is the only grace-based religion. If they beat themselves up, that’s when to bring grace up. Talk about what God has done in your life and how you can’t imagine going back to regular.

13) It's more important to get someone to consider God than to flip on abortion. Be careful of mixing in politics. You really don’t want people confusing God and whatever clowns are running for political office these days.

14) Look for common ground. There’s a lot of it. Say “I absolutely agree” or “you’re right about that” whenever you can. It reinforces the idea that you two are in this together, figuring things out.

15) You are sharing your experience. Rob Bell asks one of his books, “Are you smoking what you’re selling?” Make sure your joy comes through and that you aren’t exaggerating God’s effect on your life. You tell your friends about what you like. You turn them onto books and movies. This is the same thing: sharing something you love with your friends. If you don’t have it or if you have been neglecting it, you’re not going to have anything from which to draw.

16) Don't argue. If the discussion ever turns into an argument, turn your side into one of questioning. Ask them questions. Poke holes with questions only. Turn it into an investigation. Arguments don’t help. The gospel is a heart thing first and then a head thing after. Leave the apologetics at home and don’t whip them out unless the other person really has questions about that issue.

  

 17) Yeah, but how do I bring it up? Live a life that cannot be explained without the Holy Spirit. You can’t make that happen yourself or fake it. You have to get close to God and rely on him and take major risks. That’s what’s going to stand out. Drop references to religion and wait for the other person to pounce. If people want to talk about it, they will stay with the topic. If they don’t, they will change the subject. Don’t be afraid to bring it up, because them changing the subject is the worst thing that can happen if you are intuitive in the first stage of the conversation. 

Often, they will bring God up themselves. Remember, everything has a spiritual aspect. Every book, idea, debate, event, person, relationship, etc. has some spiritual question or issue at the center. The world is full of opportunities to make a comment that can get a discussion going. Be aware of time and place. Over a dinner table and one-on-one is best, I think. 

Next week: I’m gonna go through Genesis. Next week will be devoted to Genesis 1-3, mainly, God before we showed up. What happened before the beginning, what was it like, how do we know, and why we should care. OBVIOUSLY I don’t know everything about that, because I wasn't there (that I remember, haha), so commentary is welcome.

Disagree with any of the tips? Let me know.

Watch this poem, if you haven't already

This video is making the rounds on Facebook, which is good, because it is worth watching. Especially since I'm busy all day (watching and writing about two hours of Alcatraz took up all my blogging time) and can't write something this week. But seriously, I love this video.




Text of the video, in case you are in class or something and can't watch:

What if I told you, Jesus came to abolish religion?

What if I told you getting you to vote Republican, really wasn’t his mission?

Because Republican doesn’t automatically mean Christian,

And just because you call some people blind, doesn’t automatically give you vision.

If religion is so great, why has it started so many wars?

Why does it build huge churches, but fails to feed the poor?

Tells single moms God doesn’t love them if they’ve ever been divorced

Yet God in the Old Testament actually calls the religious people whores

Religion preaches grace, but another thing they practice,

Tend to ridicule Gods people, they did it to John the Baptist,

Can't fix their problems, so they try to mask it,

Not realizing that’s just like sprayin perfume on a casket

Because the problem with religion is that it never gets to the core,

It’s just behavior modification, like a long list of chores.

Let’s dress up the outside, make things look nice and neat,

Its funny that’s what they do to mummies, while the corpse rots underneath,

Now I ain’t judging I’m just saying be careful of putting on a fake look,

Because there’s a problem if people only know that you’re a Christian by that little section on your facebook

In every other aspect of life you know that logic's unworthy

Its like saying you play for the Lakers just because you bought a jersey

But see I played this game too; no one seemed to be on to me,

I was acting like church kid, while addicted to pornography.

I’d go to church on Sunday, but on Saturday getting faded,

Acting as if I was simply created to have sex and get wasted.

Spend my whole life putting on this façade of neatness,

But now that I know Jesus, I boast in my weakness.

If grace is water, then the church should be an ocean,

Cuz its not a museum for good people, it’s a hospital for the broken

I no longer have to hide my failures I don’t have to hide my sin,

Because my salvation doesn’t depend on me, it depends on him.

because when I was Gods enemy and certainly not a fan,

God looked down on me and said, “I want that man!”

Which is so different from religious people, and why Jesus called em fools

Don’t you see hes so much better than just following some rules?

Now let me clarify, I love the church, I love the Bible, and I believe in sin

But my question, is if Jesus were here today, would your church let Him in?

Remember He was called a drunkard and a glutton by  “religious men”

The Son of God did not support self-righteousness, not now, not then.

Now back to the topic, one thing I think is vital to mention,

How Jesus and religion are on opposite spectrums,

One is the work of God one is a man made invention,

One is the cure and one is the infection.

Because Religion says do, Jesus says done.

Religion says slave, Jesus says son,

Religion puts you in shackles but Jesus sets you free.

Religion makes you blind, but Jesus lets you see.

This is what makes religion and Jesus two different clans,

Religion is man searching for God, but Christianity is God searching for man.

Which is why salvation is freely mine, forgiveness is my own,

Not based on my efforts, but Christ’s obedience alone.

Because he took the crown of thorns, and blood that dripped down his face

He took what we all deserved, that’s why we call it grace.

While being murdered he yelled “father forgive them, they know not what they do”,

Because when he was dangling on that cross, he was thinking of you

He paid for all your sin, and then buried it in the tomb,

Which is why im kneeling at the cross now saying come on there’s room

So know I hate religion, in fact I literally resent it,

Because when Jesus cried It is finished, I believe He meant it.

Where do you get comfort?

We all get stressed or have bad days. I remember being at law school for a two-day competition. The first day started at 8 a.m. and I got out at around 9 p.m. I and the other students had spent all day on-edge, arguing or getting ready to argue. It was good, but it was draining. I was so tired and my brain felt cracked out. I drove away from the building and called my parents.

While talking to them, I drove through a Burger King and grabbed two large value meals and a Hershey’s sundae pie. I went home and ate all of it in one sitting, while watching TV. This was before I was into the Wendy's baconator, you see. Otherwise, that would have been the first choice. Baconators are SO good...I can't even...  

Anyway, during my first semester of law school, I munched whole bags of candy every day. I chuckled when I saw my first-year roommate doing the same thing. She shrieked, "I don't know what's happening to me! I don't even LIKE candy!" 

Food is not the only comforting thing. There is my iPod, as everyone who has ever seen me, anywhere, knows. I make lists of the things I need to do. I call my friends, my parents, or my sister and complain (sorry guys). I turn on the TV, go to a movie, or exercise. I go for long walks (I do that even when I'm not stressed). Sometimes I grab a beer at the Ale House with my peers. Very rarely, I will journal. If I’m really bummed, I jump in bed and just sleep. What's the first or most common thing you do to get to feeling good again when you hit a wall, stress-wise?

Some of those options I listed are healthy, good coping mechanisms; some are not great. Either way, I couldn’t help but notice that God doesn’t make the list a lot. Every time I have gone to God/prayer for comfort, it has been one of the last things I tried, not the first. Sometimes I receive it from God and it’s an accident. I happened to be in a bad place and then read or heard something at the perfect time, or visited church that week. It's great when that happens.

This year is going to be a challenge in both good and bad ways. Last night, my dad said, "You've got a lot on your plate right now, don't you." I went, "Uh, YEAH." I get to finish school, do a trial competition, study for the bar, take the bar, job hunt, move into the world of real adults, and go overseas. All of that would be enough to deal with, but regular personal life and social life stuff still exists too. I still want to finish learning German and keep up with singing. Don't worry; I can handle it. I do my best work under pressure. But I know I’m going to feel overwhelmed at some point.

When that happens, I want to remember to try God as the first option, because I think where you turn when you are in trouble helps reveal your main love and place of security. Also, I think going to God first can pull you out of emotional holes quicker. It’s going to be tempting to think I don’t have time or energy for spirituality, but I need to turn that around and make it the well from where I get energy. The baconator is good in the short-term, but long-term, it just makes me fat, tired, and greasy. In the most awesome way, but still. And that’s what I thought about this week. 

Cluttered mind, distraction, background noise, foggy brain, lack of time

I posted this Eugene Peterson quote on Facebook:

“We live in a society that tries to diminish us to the level of the antheap so that we scurry mindlessly, getting and consuming. It is essential to take counteraction...Every one of us needs to be stretched to live at our best, awakened out of dull moral habits, and shaken out of petty and trivial busywork.”

Someone commented and asked what we are supposed to do about this. Um, good question. I had to think about that. I came up with a first step. If you want to live for your real passions, get intimacy with God, or become a person of character and discipline, you have to simplify and unclutter your life. You have to make time and headspace. You have to move your attention elsewhere (to the things you really want to do). As a society, we go to the extreme of noise, pop-up ads, and a million messages a minute. The media keep us thinking about the rat race and our egos above all.

Do you find it hard to watch this video? (Watch it. It’s so good).

I’m sure different things work for different people. For me, in order to focus on what’s important and not tire myself out, it helps to make room in my life and mind first, rather than just add things like “read the Bible more” and “spend more time with God.” That time has to come from somewhere, and we already feel like time is getting away from us. Where did the day go, what did we do, and why do our heads feel so cloudy? I once read that “sloth”, as it used to be understood, was avoiding spiritual work. This means that you can be a constantly busy hard worker and still be a sloth. People who are constantly busy: who are you working for and why? Are you trying to drown something out?

Here are some ideas:

• Set  time for quiet and solitude. How often do you block out time for rest? We were created for cycles of work and rest. Wake and sleep, week and Sabbath. I think you have to get that time to refuel and quiet your mind. That might mean leaving your house, going for a drive, going to the park, or calling a babysitter.
• Learn better time management. This means tracking what you do and how long it takes you to do it. For me, a staggering amount of time goes to the internet. Hardly anything gives you popcorn brain, kills your memory, has more clutter, or distracts like the internet. I suggest setting a daily time limit for the internet.
• Stop multitasking. Is your facebook window open right now, in case you get a little red notification? Multitasking wears you out, makes your brain foggy, and makes you bad at all the things you are doing at one time. When you read the phrase “stretched to live at our best,” do you think of doing a million things at once or do you think of fully throwing yourself into one thing? Does anyone else feel tired after browsing the internet in class? I really think it sucks all your mental energy. This is why my New Year’s Resolution, as of today, is to only do one thing at a time, focusing on where I am.
• Put down the gadgets. How long can you look another person in the eye and listen to them without itching to check your smart phone? Does Facebook replace real intimacy with other people?
• Reduce your exposure to brain clutter. Magazines, especially things like Cosmo and Glamour, aren’t necessary. You can look at fashion elsewhere and skip all the subliminal negative messages about materialism and body image that magazines contain. I’m not trying to be legalistic, but since I cut those mags out of my life, I feel a lot better about myself and life in general.  Are your entertainment choices all reality TV, or do you ever read or watch a good show? Also, I like to “mute” commercials when they come on. I know that I often need to rest from my iPod.
• Meditate. If you don’t think meditation to clear your mind is good, you can meditate on scripture. Take one verse, sit in silence, and just think about it for 15 whole minutes. Set a timer. This really is one of the best ways to get to the bottom of a verse and really apply it to your life.
• Don’t take on too much. As a generation, we were taught to be “well rounded,” which meant that you had to do everything. I’ve tried to learn about nine languages. How much of the stuff that you start do you finish and follow through on? There is a verse in the Bible that says a completed task is good for your soul. How long has it been since you finished something? Do we possess the discipline to follow through, or did we lose it in all the clutter.
• Create art or go out and find some nature
• Do you have too much stuff? Are your house and cars cluttered? That will subconsciously add to your cluttered mind.