Law school wills and trusts lesson #1: Your family will try to steal from you

Genesis 27. Isaac was old and blind, and he thought he was going to die soon. He was wrong. But he called Esau into a private meeting and told him to go hunting, cook food, and bring it to his father. Isaac said that he would bless Esau after he did all this. Esau went out to hunt. Even though God made it clear that he chose Jacob to bless, Isaac still wanted to give it to Esau. In this, he was choosing the ways of the world over God’s plan, so let’s not feel too bad for him getting cheated by Jacob here. Anything you have is given by God and isn’t really yours. Isaac’s blessing was promised to another, and that’s who was gonna get it. Esau must have liked his manly, hunting son, as well as bought into the tradition that the oldest should get everything.

It looks like Isaac was doing this behind everyone’s back too, because Rebekah overheard the plan that Isaac told only to Esau. If Isaac had done it in front of everyone, servants and all, he might have gotten his way. But he didn’t want to stir the pot and probably knew he was doing wrong and wanted it to be secret. For their parts, Rebekah and Jacob should have trusted God to bring Jacob the blessing, rather than deceiving and stealing. This story might have gone a lot differently had they been patient and trusting, but the end result would have been the same.

Rebekah overheard Isaac’s instructions and told Jacob, “I’m going to make Isaac some food, and you’re going to bring it in there and intercept the blessing.” Jacob said, “But Esau is a lot hairier than I am, and when my father touches me, he’ll know it’s not Esau. Then I would appear to be tricking him and I’d bring a curse down on myself rather than a blessing.” This is Jacob’s mentality: He’s not worried about the fact that his family is secretive and split, and that he may hurt his father or brother. He just wants to know whether he will get away with it unscathed. Rebekah said, “Let the curse fall on me. Do what I say.” She’s a true mother to Jacob, asking for the curse to fall on her. So Jacob obeyed his mother. Rebekah covered Jacob with goatskins to make him feel hairy. Goatskins? Dude, how hairy was Esau, anyway? That’s a lot of hair.

Jacob went to Isaac, posing as Esau. Isaac was all, “That was a pretty quick hunt.” Jacob replied, “Well, God must have given me success.” Here, Jacob throws out some “God talk,” using God in this deception to get what he wants. People do that a lot. Isaac was suspicious and asked to touch Jacob. After feeling the hair, Isaac thought, “He sounds like Jacob, but he feels like Esau.” Isaac asked again, “Are you really Esau?” Jacob said he was. Isaac believed him and blessed him. Jacob had “scarcely left his father’s presence” when Esau came in with food. Isaac and Esau realized they had been tricked.

Isaac started trembling and Esau burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said, “Bless me too!” Isaac said, “Too late. It’s gone.”  Esau asked, “Haven’t you reserved any blessing for me? Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father!” Then Esau started crying. Isaac said, “Your dwelling will be away from the earth’s richness, away from the dew of heaven above. You will live by the sword and you will serve your brother. But when you grow restless, you will throw his yoke from off your neck. ” This means that Esau would not be under his brother forever, but he’d probably be spending a lot of time in the desert.

Esau held a grudge against Jacob and planned to kill him when Isaac died. Rebekah warned Jacob and told him to run to her brother Laban’s land and stay with his uncle. Rebekah told Jacob that she would send for him when Esau wasn’t angry anymore. She said, “Why should I lose both of you in one day?” In explanation to Isaac, Rebekah said, “I’m disgusted with living because of these Hittite women. If Jacob takes a Hittite wife, my life won’t be worth living.” Isaac bought that. Rebekah was a good family politician.

What’s crazy here is all the scheming, diplomacy, power plays, maneuvering, favoritism, control, jealousy, and secrets. It ripped this family apart and turned them against one another. This was a GOOD family. They knew God. Rebekah and Isaac loved each other a few chapters ago and had a long, monogamous relationship. They had twins that they waited a long time for. They should have valued both of them so much. They had all the pedigrees. They were wealthy and blessed by God. They lived a peaceful existence. Yeah, Esau married some Hittite women that didn’t get along with anyone, but why? Was he spoiled by his father or over-praised for his hunting skills? Whatever happened, people got greedy and didn’t think according to God’s will, but their own plans.

This kind of thing happens in lots of families even today. Maybe even especially today. Just wait until someone rich dies and a will is contested. You’ll find that, for most people, gold is thicker than blood. And everyone feels like they deserve the reward. They only see their own side, their own entitlement. Be careful. Everyone in this story thought they were doing what was necessary, when really they shouldn’t have been trying to control the situation. It’s hard to see where you are wrong or where means-to-an-end philosophies don’t work. Once again, outrage, greed, justification, the bad behavior of your opposition, and your own sense of justice can work against you and blind you to where you are wrong.

You always have to look, in any situation, at what you did wrong, even if it’s 99% their fault and 1% your fault. Then you act as if that 1% is just as serious as their 99% and make amends for that portion without mention of the portion over which you had no control. I think the best thing to do is be open with your friends and family. Have no secrets. When they confess something to you, show them grace, listen, and repeat what they say so that they know you’ve understood them. Don’t play games. Lay your cards on the table, in the open. Tell them what you want, why you think you should have it, and what you are planning. Encourage them to be open with you and reward them for it. Don’t make alliances. This isn’t survivor. And if there's a dispute, err on the side of giving them their way. Family is more important than money or businesses or trinkets. God is in control of everything you have anyway.  

Cycles, good and bad, are hard to break

I’m currently reading The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. He’s funny, if you don’t get offended by arrogance, sarcasm, overly pretentious writing, and the mocking of religion. I really don’t. So far, it’s making me understand the thought processes behind being an atheist and why some feel so threatened and annoyed when exposed to religion. I agree with him that there’s no such thing as a “Christian child.” They aren’t old enough to make that decision yet. As for raising your child Christian being child abuse? Naw. It’s the sort of thing you can reject as soon as your teens, if you want to. 

I think it’s good because it helps you understand religions people, religion, and why anyone would even think in spiritual terms. It gives you the option to be spiritual. The people I know who were raised agnostic don’t even think about it or analyze those big questions much. They don’t know it’s something to think about. I’d rather open that door to my kids. Do I recommend Christians read books like this? Absolutely, but only if they've studied the Bible and books written by Christians first so that they aren't swayed by the weakest arguments from the other side. If you have a good foundation, you can learn something and become stronger in your own faith.

I’m a good ways in, and so far I still believe in God. Should this belief be altered, it will probably affect this blog, so that’s a heads up. Unlikely though. As Socrates said, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” And, well, I went to school. It’s fun to have a mental dialogue with the guy though. I don’t argue with actual atheists because they tend to get upset and think I'm trying to convert them. Everyone knows an argument usually doesn't convert anyone to another way of thinking. So I get all my arguing out in my imagination. It’s a fun mind game. If he has a good point or is able to sway me, I want to know. It’s better to know a cold, hard truth that would destroy you than to live for a lie. So far, he’s debunked the lousiest arguments for the existence of God. Good job, pick better ones next time. Dawkins has really sparked my interest in physics though, weirdly. Especially since he’s a biologist.

Genesis 26 is not a popular or controversial passage. We see repetition, the same promises, and some of the same sins and conflicts as in previous chapters. There was a famine in the land and Isaac went to Abimelek, the Philistine king. The Lord appeared to Isaac and told him not to go live in Egypt, but to stay in the land God wanted him to live in. God repeats the big promise, saying, “Through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed because Abraham obeyed me.” Abraham wasn’t always obedient, but he did have faith, therefore he was declared righteous. Isaac follows his father’s example both in faith/following God and occasionally stumbling. 

As a commenter observed, lies run in this family. It’s a great family of faith and blessing, but man, they can’t stop deceiving. Isaac was asked about his beautiful wife, Rebekah, and he went for his dad’s standby lie: “She is my sister.” Abimelek saw Isaac caressing Rebekah and called him on it. The King James Version said Abimelek saw Isaac “sporting” with Rebekah. So we have absolutely no idea what the king actually saw them doing, and who really wants to know anyway? It wasn’t platonic, that’s for sure. Isaac came clean and Abimelek was upset. Abimelek ordered his people not to harm Isaac or Rebekah, on penalty of death. Problem solved. 

The Lord blessed Isaac with a really good crop that year. He became rich and envied by the Philistines, so he had to move. Eventually, the pagans saw that God blessed Isaac and decided it would be smart to make a peace treaty with him. Esau got married at age 40 to a woman named Judith (did you know that was a Biblical name?) and another woman named Basemath (not one for the name books, I guess). Isaac and Rebekah didn’t get along with them. They were both Hittite women. As Tim Keller often points out, whenever there is polygamy in the Bible, things don’t go smoothly with the family as a whole.

Jacob and Esau make a deal

We’re nearing the story of Jacob, and I don’t even want to approach it because of how well Tim Keller handled it in his sermon series “The Gospel According to Jacob." I’ll do my own, inferior take though. Abraham takes another wife/concubines and has a lot more kids. He gives gifts to the sons of his concubines and sends them away from Isaac, leaving the lion’s share of his estate and the promised land to Isaac. Abraham died at the age of 75 and “was gathered to his people.” Ishmael came back for the burial, which I think is nice. He wasn’t totally shunned and didn’t hate his father.

Isaac was 40 years old when he married Rebekah (wow, that’s a long wait). Rebekah couldn’t have kids for a long time (Isaac was 60 when Rebekah finally gave birth), so Isaac prayed on her behalf. The babies “jostled each other within her.” Jewish legend says that they were trying to kill each other in the womb. Rebekah wondered why her insides were so stirred and asked God. She probably didn’t know it was twins. God said, “Two nations are in your womb. The two people inside you will be separated. One people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger.” When they were born, the first to come out was red and hairy all over. Which is really weird on an infant, no? They named him Esau, an name denoting his hairiness. After this, Jacob was born, grasping Esau’s heel. The name Jacob refers to the heel catching, and it’s not a good name. It names him a con-man or trickster.

The boys grew and Esau became a skilled hunter, a “man of the open country.” A man’s man. Jacob was more of an indoor guy. Most second-born kids, when they pop out, take one look at the older kid and seem to say, “I’m gonna be the opposite of THAT.” I know it’s true in my family. Jacob sat around in the tents, but he liked wild game, so he loved Esau for bringing them all food. Isaac liked Esau. Rebekah favored Jacob. So did God. That’s who God is. He doesn’t pick the obvious candidate most of the time, he picks the weak one and makes him great (like with King David). You also see God rejecting the traditional, world-made selection of the oldest child over the younger children. This is a practice that means nothing to God. Favoritism in families based on birth order just doesn’t factor into God’s choice.

God’s choice also wasn’t based on moral character or the choices of the sons. He knew which one needed to continue the line and gave the birthright in grace. You see, Jacob wasn’t all that much better than Esau. You see Jacob making lousy choices throughout his life. Esau comes across as unsympathetic twice, but he has good moments (particularly one of forgiveness years later). He has a problem with instant gratification, shown in both this chapter and his casual sex habits. Hebrews 12 describes Esau as a profane person and a fornicator. Still, Jacob has his faults too.

One day, when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came home hungry and asked for some. Esau was also called Edom. Jacob said, “Sure, if you sell me your birthright.” Esau agreed and swore an oath, his thought process being that he was going to die one day anyway, so he might as well enjoy life now. What good is a birthright when it all comes to nothing and you don’t keep anything? Huge mistake. You see this kind of thought crop up a lot, and those who know that life, gifts, and choices have permanence will reject this line of thought. The birthright was eternally valuable, and Jacob knew this. In the Old Testament, birthrights have spiritual consequences. It’s not all about inheriting wealth.

The birthright passed the father’s spiritual inheritance too. This would include the covenant between God and Abraham, in this family. The son who holds the birthright becomes the head of the family and the spiritual leader of the family. We don’t know if Jacob’s parents told him that God said the younger would serve the older. Maybe Jacob already knew the birthright was his and he was making sure he would get it. Because God said it was his, it was already Jacob’s. If Jacob hadn’t taken matter into his own hands, would things have gone differently? Would Esau have just fallen off a cliff or something? Is the tricking and dealing the reason Jacob had to spend so much time away from his family while God refined his character?            

     

I think the lesson here, for us, in this little chapter is to recognize what our spiritual birthrights and purposes are, know that we already have them, and not “despise” them like Esau in favor of other, more present and physical things. This is a common universal pattern. In order to get long-term benefits, you have to have the long term in mind. Something to reflect on. Not that Bible stories are intentional morality tales, but like life, you can find the lessons in them. We people love a narrative.

Sex, Marriage, and Nose Rings

So, you know how I said this post was gonna be special? Well, in light of the Chik-Fil-A nonsense, I was going to use this week to talk about homosexuality and gay rights. When I finally get to that, it's gonna be fantastic, if only because it's so darn controversial/fun. But I still think it's better saved for Leviticus.  I loooove Leviticus.

Genesis 23-24: Sarah died and was buried in the Hittites’ best tombs. Well, caves. Obviously, this made both Abraham and Isaac sad. It was time for Isaac to get a wife to replace the feminine energy he lost when Sarah died. Now, the Bible tells us that Abraham was “old, well advanced in years.” Umm, when was he NOT old in his Biblical story? This dude has been old this whole time. We know he’s older now. Abraham had his servant (the oldest one in his household) promise to get a wife for Isaac from Abraham’s land. In Genesis 15, this was Eliezer, but it might have changed in the following 60 years, so the servant is unnamed.

Half sister-lovin’ Abraham wanted Isaac to marry family (as you do) and not the Canaanite women. The servant said, “It might be tough getting your kindred to come all the way out there. Should I bring Isaac to the land from where you came?” Abraham said, “No, God wants us to have this land. If no woman will follow you here, then you can scrap this whole promise.” Then the servant put his hand under Abraham’s thigh and swore. Well, that’s odd. Let’s look at that. All I could find on this is that an oath made by this custom was very serious. Notice that a servant was sent, not Isaac. No one wanted Isaac to leave the promised land. What if he didn’t come back?

So the servant took ten camels and some gifts, and then he want to Mesopotamia, specifically Nahor. The servant made the camels kneel outside the city by a well in the evening, the time when all the women go out to get water. The servant prayed to Abraham’s God, asking for the right/chosen young woman to let him drink out of her jar while she watered his camels. Now, this was a lot of work, so it would take someone with a real servant’s heart to do it, especially since the servant brought other men and they would just stand around watching her haul water. You know, like gentlemen. The servant doesn’t pray for the wife to be good-looking; he wants someone nice.

Before the servant even finished the prayer, Rebekah came out with her water jar on her shoulder. This happens with prayer sometimes. Isaiah 65:24 says, “It shall come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are still speaking, I will hear.” The Bible can be pretty sweet. Rebekah was Isaac’s second cousin, a virgin, and very attractive. Sounds perfect for him. She gave the servant a drink and drew water for his camels.   

The servant gave Rebekah a gold ring and two gold bracelets. The ring was most likely a nose ring. Nose rings would make lots of conservative Christians these days faint, but it was not a big deal back then. It wasn’t trashy or immoral in any way for Rebekah to have a nose ring. It’s not something to worry about, in my opinion. Let people have their nose rings. You can care about the trendiness of your appearance and still have a servant’s heart, as long as you keep your priorities in order.

The servant then went to talk to Rebekah’s brother and mother, and they agreed that it was God’s will for Rebekah to marry Isaac. They asked Rebekah what she thought, and she said she was willing to go. Isaac was out meditating in the field toward the evening. He looked up and saw Rebekah coming. The servant told Rebekah this was Isaac. She took her veil and covered herself. When Rebekah met Isaac, she wanted to give the impression that she was modest, moral, a virgin, and a servant. The servant brought Isaac up to speed on the story and then Isaac immediately brought Rebekah into his mother’s old tent and had sex with her. They weren’t seeking romantic love when God brought them together. They were both serving and seeking God, living their lives as they knew best, and then it just happened because it was supposed to.

After they had sex, the Bible says, “she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.” Lots of people use this passage to justify premarital sex and still hold to conservative values. They say it's okay as long as the Christians marry each other at some point afterward. They say, “The two didn’t sin because they were married in God’s eyes and then stayed together. Rebekah and Isaac were married after they had sex. There was no ceremony or legal document.” Certainly intercourse is essential to marriage, and many cultures required it as a part of marriage. No sex meant no marriage. It literally sealed the deal.

But I disagree with this line of thought because when Rebekah and Isaac went into the tent to have sex they had both agreed to be married to each other. She said, “I will go” to the servant, and Isaac was told that this was the wife God chose for him. They had sex with the intention to be together forever, not with the intention to love each other for the foreseeable future and maybe marry later. The sex and the intent to marry happened concurrently, and that makes all the difference. Sex does not equal marriage. It’s not the same thing. Marriage is a choice paired with sex.

Hereafter in the post, I am proceeding under the assumption that the no premarital sex rule still applies today (even though we marry at 28 and not 13 now). Christians, you don’t “fix” your “mistake” by marrying someone after you sleep with them. It doesn’t make the slate clean. You still became one without the concurrent unselfish intention to give all of yourself, forever. Don’t think that God wants you to marry the person you slept with to fix something when you wouldn’t otherwise marry them. Marry for the right reasons: Because you want to marry that person. If you love them and think you should get married after sex, awesome. If you don’t want to…not awesome. 

Two wrongs don’t make a right. They don’t make for much of a marriage either. You didn't willingly make sacrifices for each other. You didn't willingly choose that life. It sounds miserable to me. The temptation to appear perfect and not have other Christians think you committed THE SIN OF ALL SINS (sarcasm, sex is not the worst sin) is huge these days. Have the courage to move on. Let’s be honest: Most Christians have sex before marriage. If you have, you’re not alone and you’re still under the law of grace.

And once again...

My dad has no internet in his house, and I can't write a whole post on my phone. I'll make it extra special next week, I promise.