Law school wills and trusts lesson #1: Your family will try to steal from you

Genesis 27. Isaac was old and blind, and he thought he was going to die soon. He was wrong. But he called Esau into a private meeting and told him to go hunting, cook food, and bring it to his father. Isaac said that he would bless Esau after he did all this. Esau went out to hunt. Even though God made it clear that he chose Jacob to bless, Isaac still wanted to give it to Esau. In this, he was choosing the ways of the world over God’s plan, so let’s not feel too bad for him getting cheated by Jacob here. Anything you have is given by God and isn’t really yours. Isaac’s blessing was promised to another, and that’s who was gonna get it. Esau must have liked his manly, hunting son, as well as bought into the tradition that the oldest should get everything.

It looks like Isaac was doing this behind everyone’s back too, because Rebekah overheard the plan that Isaac told only to Esau. If Isaac had done it in front of everyone, servants and all, he might have gotten his way. But he didn’t want to stir the pot and probably knew he was doing wrong and wanted it to be secret. For their parts, Rebekah and Jacob should have trusted God to bring Jacob the blessing, rather than deceiving and stealing. This story might have gone a lot differently had they been patient and trusting, but the end result would have been the same.

Rebekah overheard Isaac’s instructions and told Jacob, “I’m going to make Isaac some food, and you’re going to bring it in there and intercept the blessing.” Jacob said, “But Esau is a lot hairier than I am, and when my father touches me, he’ll know it’s not Esau. Then I would appear to be tricking him and I’d bring a curse down on myself rather than a blessing.” This is Jacob’s mentality: He’s not worried about the fact that his family is secretive and split, and that he may hurt his father or brother. He just wants to know whether he will get away with it unscathed. Rebekah said, “Let the curse fall on me. Do what I say.” She’s a true mother to Jacob, asking for the curse to fall on her. So Jacob obeyed his mother. Rebekah covered Jacob with goatskins to make him feel hairy. Goatskins? Dude, how hairy was Esau, anyway? That’s a lot of hair.

Jacob went to Isaac, posing as Esau. Isaac was all, “That was a pretty quick hunt.” Jacob replied, “Well, God must have given me success.” Here, Jacob throws out some “God talk,” using God in this deception to get what he wants. People do that a lot. Isaac was suspicious and asked to touch Jacob. After feeling the hair, Isaac thought, “He sounds like Jacob, but he feels like Esau.” Isaac asked again, “Are you really Esau?” Jacob said he was. Isaac believed him and blessed him. Jacob had “scarcely left his father’s presence” when Esau came in with food. Isaac and Esau realized they had been tricked.

Isaac started trembling and Esau burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said, “Bless me too!” Isaac said, “Too late. It’s gone.”  Esau asked, “Haven’t you reserved any blessing for me? Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father!” Then Esau started crying. Isaac said, “Your dwelling will be away from the earth’s richness, away from the dew of heaven above. You will live by the sword and you will serve your brother. But when you grow restless, you will throw his yoke from off your neck. ” This means that Esau would not be under his brother forever, but he’d probably be spending a lot of time in the desert.

Esau held a grudge against Jacob and planned to kill him when Isaac died. Rebekah warned Jacob and told him to run to her brother Laban’s land and stay with his uncle. Rebekah told Jacob that she would send for him when Esau wasn’t angry anymore. She said, “Why should I lose both of you in one day?” In explanation to Isaac, Rebekah said, “I’m disgusted with living because of these Hittite women. If Jacob takes a Hittite wife, my life won’t be worth living.” Isaac bought that. Rebekah was a good family politician.

What’s crazy here is all the scheming, diplomacy, power plays, maneuvering, favoritism, control, jealousy, and secrets. It ripped this family apart and turned them against one another. This was a GOOD family. They knew God. Rebekah and Isaac loved each other a few chapters ago and had a long, monogamous relationship. They had twins that they waited a long time for. They should have valued both of them so much. They had all the pedigrees. They were wealthy and blessed by God. They lived a peaceful existence. Yeah, Esau married some Hittite women that didn’t get along with anyone, but why? Was he spoiled by his father or over-praised for his hunting skills? Whatever happened, people got greedy and didn’t think according to God’s will, but their own plans.

This kind of thing happens in lots of families even today. Maybe even especially today. Just wait until someone rich dies and a will is contested. You’ll find that, for most people, gold is thicker than blood. And everyone feels like they deserve the reward. They only see their own side, their own entitlement. Be careful. Everyone in this story thought they were doing what was necessary, when really they shouldn’t have been trying to control the situation. It’s hard to see where you are wrong or where means-to-an-end philosophies don’t work. Once again, outrage, greed, justification, the bad behavior of your opposition, and your own sense of justice can work against you and blind you to where you are wrong.

You always have to look, in any situation, at what you did wrong, even if it’s 99% their fault and 1% your fault. Then you act as if that 1% is just as serious as their 99% and make amends for that portion without mention of the portion over which you had no control. I think the best thing to do is be open with your friends and family. Have no secrets. When they confess something to you, show them grace, listen, and repeat what they say so that they know you’ve understood them. Don’t play games. Lay your cards on the table, in the open. Tell them what you want, why you think you should have it, and what you are planning. Encourage them to be open with you and reward them for it. Don’t make alliances. This isn’t survivor. And if there's a dispute, err on the side of giving them their way. Family is more important than money or businesses or trinkets. God is in control of everything you have anyway.