Sex, Marriage, and Nose Rings

So, you know how I said this post was gonna be special? Well, in light of the Chik-Fil-A nonsense, I was going to use this week to talk about homosexuality and gay rights. When I finally get to that, it's gonna be fantastic, if only because it's so darn controversial/fun. But I still think it's better saved for Leviticus.  I loooove Leviticus.

Genesis 23-24: Sarah died and was buried in the Hittites’ best tombs. Well, caves. Obviously, this made both Abraham and Isaac sad. It was time for Isaac to get a wife to replace the feminine energy he lost when Sarah died. Now, the Bible tells us that Abraham was “old, well advanced in years.” Umm, when was he NOT old in his Biblical story? This dude has been old this whole time. We know he’s older now. Abraham had his servant (the oldest one in his household) promise to get a wife for Isaac from Abraham’s land. In Genesis 15, this was Eliezer, but it might have changed in the following 60 years, so the servant is unnamed.

Half sister-lovin’ Abraham wanted Isaac to marry family (as you do) and not the Canaanite women. The servant said, “It might be tough getting your kindred to come all the way out there. Should I bring Isaac to the land from where you came?” Abraham said, “No, God wants us to have this land. If no woman will follow you here, then you can scrap this whole promise.” Then the servant put his hand under Abraham’s thigh and swore. Well, that’s odd. Let’s look at that. All I could find on this is that an oath made by this custom was very serious. Notice that a servant was sent, not Isaac. No one wanted Isaac to leave the promised land. What if he didn’t come back?

So the servant took ten camels and some gifts, and then he want to Mesopotamia, specifically Nahor. The servant made the camels kneel outside the city by a well in the evening, the time when all the women go out to get water. The servant prayed to Abraham’s God, asking for the right/chosen young woman to let him drink out of her jar while she watered his camels. Now, this was a lot of work, so it would take someone with a real servant’s heart to do it, especially since the servant brought other men and they would just stand around watching her haul water. You know, like gentlemen. The servant doesn’t pray for the wife to be good-looking; he wants someone nice.

Before the servant even finished the prayer, Rebekah came out with her water jar on her shoulder. This happens with prayer sometimes. Isaiah 65:24 says, “It shall come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are still speaking, I will hear.” The Bible can be pretty sweet. Rebekah was Isaac’s second cousin, a virgin, and very attractive. Sounds perfect for him. She gave the servant a drink and drew water for his camels.   

The servant gave Rebekah a gold ring and two gold bracelets. The ring was most likely a nose ring. Nose rings would make lots of conservative Christians these days faint, but it was not a big deal back then. It wasn’t trashy or immoral in any way for Rebekah to have a nose ring. It’s not something to worry about, in my opinion. Let people have their nose rings. You can care about the trendiness of your appearance and still have a servant’s heart, as long as you keep your priorities in order.

The servant then went to talk to Rebekah’s brother and mother, and they agreed that it was God’s will for Rebekah to marry Isaac. They asked Rebekah what she thought, and she said she was willing to go. Isaac was out meditating in the field toward the evening. He looked up and saw Rebekah coming. The servant told Rebekah this was Isaac. She took her veil and covered herself. When Rebekah met Isaac, she wanted to give the impression that she was modest, moral, a virgin, and a servant. The servant brought Isaac up to speed on the story and then Isaac immediately brought Rebekah into his mother’s old tent and had sex with her. They weren’t seeking romantic love when God brought them together. They were both serving and seeking God, living their lives as they knew best, and then it just happened because it was supposed to.

After they had sex, the Bible says, “she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.” Lots of people use this passage to justify premarital sex and still hold to conservative values. They say it's okay as long as the Christians marry each other at some point afterward. They say, “The two didn’t sin because they were married in God’s eyes and then stayed together. Rebekah and Isaac were married after they had sex. There was no ceremony or legal document.” Certainly intercourse is essential to marriage, and many cultures required it as a part of marriage. No sex meant no marriage. It literally sealed the deal.

But I disagree with this line of thought because when Rebekah and Isaac went into the tent to have sex they had both agreed to be married to each other. She said, “I will go” to the servant, and Isaac was told that this was the wife God chose for him. They had sex with the intention to be together forever, not with the intention to love each other for the foreseeable future and maybe marry later. The sex and the intent to marry happened concurrently, and that makes all the difference. Sex does not equal marriage. It’s not the same thing. Marriage is a choice paired with sex.

Hereafter in the post, I am proceeding under the assumption that the no premarital sex rule still applies today (even though we marry at 28 and not 13 now). Christians, you don’t “fix” your “mistake” by marrying someone after you sleep with them. It doesn’t make the slate clean. You still became one without the concurrent unselfish intention to give all of yourself, forever. Don’t think that God wants you to marry the person you slept with to fix something when you wouldn’t otherwise marry them. Marry for the right reasons: Because you want to marry that person. If you love them and think you should get married after sex, awesome. If you don’t want to…not awesome. 

Two wrongs don’t make a right. They don’t make for much of a marriage either. You didn't willingly make sacrifices for each other. You didn't willingly choose that life. It sounds miserable to me. The temptation to appear perfect and not have other Christians think you committed THE SIN OF ALL SINS (sarcasm, sex is not the worst sin) is huge these days. Have the courage to move on. Let’s be honest: Most Christians have sex before marriage. If you have, you’re not alone and you’re still under the law of grace.