This is for Christians: How to talk to a non-Christian about God without making it awkward

The average person may see 3,000 to 5,000 advertisements today. We are good at ignoring what’s not important to us and drowning out the noise. Plenty of Christians stand on the side of the road with microphones. Is it effective or is it spam? I get that Christians are told to share the gospel. It’s in the Bible. Lots of Christians think that converting someone is the ONLY worthwhile thing you can really do in life (it’s not). There is no shortage of opportunity to talk about God with other people. The big questions are on everyone’s minds. They want to talk about it; they just want to be respected and for the friendship to survive the conversation.

Lots of people who are wiser than I am have outlined what to say and how to say it clearly. These are my rules for keeping the discussions I love to have civil. Sometimes, I am even able to follow them. 

1) Don't make it a conversion. Make it a seed-planting conversation to get both of you thinking about the important stuff. Go into it realizing that you don’t know everything about God and there is something you believe, right now, about God that is false or skewed. The other person, no matter what they believe, might say something that changes your whole perspective on some spiritual aspect. You’re not the only teacher here. Go in with the “we’re going to figure this out together” mentality. 

2) There's no fear in love. You can either go into it with an  “If I don’t do this right, this person may potentially go to hell” attitude. Or you can go into it with a “I’m really obsessed with this topic and I love to talk about it, because it rocks and I like to share” attitude. Your attitude shouldn’t be “please believe this.” It should be, “God loves you more than I ever could. I trust him with your life. I’m not in control of this. This person’s soul isn’t riding on me. It’s between him and the Holy Spirit. There’s nothing I can think of on my own power that will work. It all comes from God, if it comes. I’m just going to focus on doing more good than harm and pointing out as much of God that I can, making this person feel valued, and loving them.” A lot of the time, the victory will be getting people to think about these issues in the first place, rather than walk around distracted.

 3) Don't be rude. Listen to their ideas. Ask yourself, “Does this person want to talk about this?” Look at body language for cues. Be relaxed. Don’t be defensive. Or offensive. Don’t push for any decision RIGHT NOW. Don’t apply pressure. That’s when it gets awkward. Don’t make someone repeat the sinner’s prayer after you. I saw someone do this once and it was…just…so bad. That guy did not walk away a Christian. He walked away angry and hurt. Don’t threaten people with hell or tell someone they are in a cult if they are Catholic or something. OBVIOUSLY. Don’t tell an atheists that atheists don’t have morals. When you say that, and he doesn’t murder you for being a jerk, that, right there, is proof that atheists have morals.

4) Show you care/actions speak louder. One of the best quotes I’ve ever heard is: “People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.” Try service. Show God. Preaching the gospel is not the only God-honoring thing to be done. Everything you do that is good is for the glory of God, to show how life should be. In some ways, loving others is in itself sharing the gospel. I recently met some young men who pushed a woman’s car for her after it had died (up the only hill in Florida.) I think that’s how to do it.

5) Remember that everyone is different. People don’t care what you know until you know THEM, at least a little bit. Everyone who isn’t into God has a reason. They might know EVERYTHING about Christianity, but have been burned by the church. I knew someone who was abused by religious people and shook every time he was taken to church. You are not going to come up to him and start talking about Adam and Eve’s original sin. Heck, this guy might be the one person who needs to know about God’s loving wrath that will wipe away every injustice and evil. The God who doesn’t put up with oppression and who says the last will be first. Usually you don’t lead with the theme of God’s wrath, do you? 

If you don’t know someone as a person, how they think, and what they already believe, you are at a huge disadvantage, and they are not going to feel understood. They are going to feel like you are forcing a pre-planned spiel on them that you would force on just anyone else. Have you ever thought of actually becoming someone’s FRIEND, unconditionally, before you try to convert them to your religion. People have specific questions, concerns, and priorities. Start with those. Ask what they believe and why. Ask them what they think life is all about and what they want out of it.

6) Controversial tip: I have given up drinking for the year and lots of people think any drinking is a sin. However, I’ve had plenty of conversations with Christians who says that having one or two beers with a person is magic when it comes to spiritual discussions. One beer relaxes them and opens them up. It’s when people want to talk and be honest. In college one beer, with no drunkenness, once led to a SIX HOUR conversation with an agnostic. If you don’t drink, this isn’t in your tool bag and that’s fine. If you drink, consider doing it in your apartment with one other person (rather than in a crowded club), casually mentioning God in the conversation, and then watching as that other person jumps on the opportunity to talk about it. Just don’t get drunk or even buzzed.

7) Open up. This isn’t a holiness competition. Share your failures, weaknesses, and what God has done in your life, including what you STILL struggle with. It shows where God is strong when you are weak. Also, no one is going to open up to you if you are sitting there acting perfect.

8) Avoid clichés. Steer clear of terms that are well-known. Use new words, because lots of the old ones have become too familiar and have lost their power or original meaning.

9) Use scripture. But you should know it enough that you can paraphrase it. That way, it sounds natural and not recited.

10) Use our stories. If you are a fantasy fan, all the better. If you can use Lord of the Rings when explaining the addictive nature of sin (the ring, precious), all the better. If you can slip the gospel in when you explain The Matrix, heck, why not? Harry Potter is rife with opportunity. Heck, there are two verses straight from the Bible in the seventh book. Fantasy can lead to a discussion and it can provide useful examples. C.S. Lewis knew that and wrote Narnia so that people could become familiar with Christianity.

 11) The gospel goes conviction THEN grace. When you start to fit the gospel into it (and, believe me, the gospel can be inserted into just about every issue if you know how to apply it), talk about sin and pride. It’s sin THEN grace. Grace is awesome, but don’t go straight to the atonement part. Don’t use the word sin (because we are avoiding what might be perceived as clichés), but describe personal failings and missing the mark. Talk about how everyone thinks they are a good person, but in everyday situations, they fail. Talk about your ego and specific examples of that. Don’t accuse. Just point out what you’re guilty of when you know others can relate. Get them thinking about that.

12) The good stuff. The things you can be more direct about is grace, love, and forgiveness. Restoration. The resurrection. Hope. Purpose. Harp on how Christianity is the only grace-based religion. If they beat themselves up, that’s when to bring grace up. Talk about what God has done in your life and how you can’t imagine going back to regular.

13) It's more important to get someone to consider God than to flip on abortion. Be careful of mixing in politics. You really don’t want people confusing God and whatever clowns are running for political office these days.

14) Look for common ground. There’s a lot of it. Say “I absolutely agree” or “you’re right about that” whenever you can. It reinforces the idea that you two are in this together, figuring things out.

15) You are sharing your experience. Rob Bell asks one of his books, “Are you smoking what you’re selling?” Make sure your joy comes through and that you aren’t exaggerating God’s effect on your life. You tell your friends about what you like. You turn them onto books and movies. This is the same thing: sharing something you love with your friends. If you don’t have it or if you have been neglecting it, you’re not going to have anything from which to draw.

16) Don't argue. If the discussion ever turns into an argument, turn your side into one of questioning. Ask them questions. Poke holes with questions only. Turn it into an investigation. Arguments don’t help. The gospel is a heart thing first and then a head thing after. Leave the apologetics at home and don’t whip them out unless the other person really has questions about that issue.

  

 17) Yeah, but how do I bring it up? Live a life that cannot be explained without the Holy Spirit. You can’t make that happen yourself or fake it. You have to get close to God and rely on him and take major risks. That’s what’s going to stand out. Drop references to religion and wait for the other person to pounce. If people want to talk about it, they will stay with the topic. If they don’t, they will change the subject. Don’t be afraid to bring it up, because them changing the subject is the worst thing that can happen if you are intuitive in the first stage of the conversation. 

Often, they will bring God up themselves. Remember, everything has a spiritual aspect. Every book, idea, debate, event, person, relationship, etc. has some spiritual question or issue at the center. The world is full of opportunities to make a comment that can get a discussion going. Be aware of time and place. Over a dinner table and one-on-one is best, I think. 

Next week: I’m gonna go through Genesis. Next week will be devoted to Genesis 1-3, mainly, God before we showed up. What happened before the beginning, what was it like, how do we know, and why we should care. OBVIOUSLY I don’t know everything about that, because I wasn't there (that I remember, haha), so commentary is welcome.

Disagree with any of the tips? Let me know.