24Therefore
shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife:
and they shall be one flesh.
We
are now two chapters into Genesis. You know the drill: God made Adam and Eve,
put them in the garden, gave them the job of garden upkeep, and told them not to
eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil (totally knowing that they were
going to). Also interesting is that the knowledge of what is good comes with a knowledge
of evil. They tend to define each other, at least on this Earth.
But
my favorite verse in chapter 2 is verse 24 because it’s so useful and relevant
to life. It’s where the Bible just randomly states that a man shall cleave unto
his wife and leave his parents. It seems random because Adam and Eve didn’t
even HAVE parents. They might not even have had belly buttons. God scrounged
Adam from the dust and whipped Eve out of his rib (causing boys at Christian
camps to chant “from our rib! From our rib!” every time there is some sort of
girls v. boys contest). Still, the writer took the time to throw this in there
because it’s important. It's also in the Bible three other times. It's a clear command mentioned in both the old and new testaments.
This
verse is so necessary and so overlooked in Christian families. In most
families, it is seen as the best possible thing to keep the peace with your
parents and always have their approval. But sometimes your spouse doesn’t
totally fit in with your clan. Sometimes he or she does things differently and
clashes with your family. Guess what. The Bible says you have to take your
spouse’s side. Because you are one person now. I tell ya what, when I get
married and there is some sort of dumb family dispute and my parents are 100%
right, I’m still gonna take my husband’s side like a stubborn mule that won't see reason. Also, there is such a thing as getting too much of your advice from your parents, even if they are wise (and mine are). You can't be objective with them.
This
doesn’t seem like such a big deal, but I have seen literally dozens of marriages
either suffer or end due to failure to cleave. It is a HUGE problem and it’s a
sneaky one. If you think hard about your circle of friends or even your own
family, I’m certain you can think of one example in your life where one person
just hasn’t left home. Maybe it’s even you. If they aren’t hanging on their
parents’ every word about themselves, they are still carrying around anger or
issues or other junk. Their parents are still their most important relationships, they are serving them above their spouse, and they are trying to please them above their spouse. They are splitting their attentions when having a family and working through a marriage is hard enough.
Or they are repeating patterns from home. They haven’t worked
out the issues they developed growing up. They haven’t grown up. Some people
let their parents talk badly about their spouses. Some people let their parents
make major decisions that the husband and wife should make together and work
out together. Families
should be as close as is healthy, sure. But you have to have left your parents
in order to figure out how the two of you do things, or it really isn’t going
to work.
Because of the damage I've seen due to failure to cleave, it might be my number one rule for my future marriage. If that means moving
out of the state or country, I’ve seen that work for three fledgling families with strong,
influential in-laws. They are three of the most solid marriages I know of. They knew
they needed space to make their own way because the Bible told them too. My advice to married couples is to not discuss their marriages with their parents. Don't enlist them in your fights or vent to them. Keep it in the marriage.
(The
other verse I like in this chapter: “And the LORD God formed man of the dust of
the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a
living soul.”- For good commentary on this, watch the Breathe video that I
posted earlier, if you haven’t already.)
I didn't grow up until I moved out of state, and took a leap of faith that it was the right decision. At first, I wanted nothing more than to go home. After two years, I became something unrecognizable; boy to man. It has to happen for one to progress.
ReplyDeleteYour interpretation of this part of the Bible is flawless, and I can't argue it at all. You also have a personal connection to this scripture that I do not. Here's my takeaways:
My parents are getting old. My Dad doesn't have many years left, and he is in constant pain from many ailments. My Mom is also not in the best of shape. I am all they have. I am an only child. I feel I have an obligation to take care of them in their twilight years as best I can. They were certainly there for me.
Every situation is different. If you told me that I would marry a divorcee with a six year old son when I was 25 I would have said you were insane. For whatever reason God had a plan for us, and He brought two people together that were both broken, and healed them despite their belief that any chance of happiness had left eons ago.
Do we both have strong willed parents? You bet. However, we do not let them run our lives. While I am always respectful of my elders opinions, and will gladly hear their views it is OUR marriage.
I agree that it is certainly best to leave problems within the marriage. Running to mommy and daddy with spousal issues is certainly a recipe for disaster. Communication and honesty within the marriage is usually the key; it's when the couple stops talking that you know the end is nigh.
Good stuff and good luck on your trip to Washington. It's so beautiful there. I want to stay in that Rose Red mansion someday (it's a bed and breakfast, I believe).
Just to clarify, I totally think it's a good idea to take care of your parents when they get old. I think it's a great way to honor God. But you have the good sense to take care of them while still having your marriage/running your own life. It's a balance and fine line.
DeleteAnd thanks. Washington is always a fun time.