Ishmael

This post is less of the usual Biblical dissecting and more me whining about not getting any. But it's my blog and I will whine if I want to. You would whine too, if it happened to you. In Genesis 16, despite the contract, Abram decides to take matters into his own hands. This is really frustrating considering how powerful the last chapter was. When we want things in life, we sometimes feel like we have to get off our duffs and make it happen so that we can get those experiences and move forward, even if our methods of advancing the result are technically wrong. I knew a guy who cheated on a big law test, because he felt like he needed to become a lawyer. He was a Christian and felt like he needed to just “get there” so he could fight for God and justice.

Similarly (at least in my mind), romantic problems abound for Christians these days who are trying to reconcile a love for God with seemingly impracticable rules for sex. They need it now and can’t wait. Some girls will go ahead and sleep with a guy or move in with him, because they know that “they are going to get married eventually anyway” or they need to keep the guy. It’s a means to a happy ending with Prince Charming, eventually, after the messy middle. Recently, a Christian friend asked me if he should sleep with a girl who is completely into him and would probably be a perfect first experience. They’ve been dating for almost a year. I replied that sex is for giving your whole self to another person, and that goal is damaged if you use sex for something other than what it was designed for, blahblahblah.

However, I sympathized. Back in the Bible, you only had to wait until you were like 14. COME ON. You have to close something off in yourself (or at least refrain from awakening it) and avoid dating certain people you are attracted to in order to wait a long time. It IS possible that I will be an old cat lady if I won’t follow the natural relationship progression of modern days. What if I get too old? What if I can’t just “turn it on” right after my wedding? Churches expect us to do/discuss nothing and then do everything. The whole world expects you have sex, at least when you are in a monogamous dating relationship. What if the guy I fall in love with is a Christian and he…you know…can’t perform when the time comes? What if the reason he was able to wait had less to do with trusting God and more to do with there being something wrong with him? Is there something wrong with me since I’ve been able to do it for so long? If I’m able to wait, will I end up judgmental in my old days, self-righteously looking down on those who didn’t? These are real concerns, even though I intellectually know that it's probably going to turn out alright.

I know some people who waited and it turned out fine. But those people are rare. These days, I feel like the only one left. The people who always told me to wait or looked down on me for not being a perfect Miss Christian stopped waiting. My mom said, “Doesn’t it feel like when everyone says, ‘Let’s moon the camera for the picture and then you’re the only one who does it?’” Yes, Mom, it does. I’m the only one left with my white butt hanging in the air, people laughing. And I didn’t even have those purity rings in high school! It’s possible that sex before marriage could be a positive experience for lots of people, leading to better things and intimacy. A way to make love, marriage, family, and friendship happen. It’s possible that this Christian guy should sleep with this girl, that it will all turn out alright, and he will have an experience he won’t regret. Or it could lead to common complications, heartbreak, heart-hardening, drama, and strife. It could be a form of taking control that isn’t yours. Either way, he may still learn something and grow where I will stay stagnant.

Life moves pretty fast (thank you, Ferris) and you see everyone around you getting things you want. You see yourself growing older. It’s tough, and I’ve had to turn away some really great guys in order to do this. But this world doesn’t get to move me, you know? I’ve decided who I am and I know what I’m doing, and I will pick obeying God over having someone. I’m only going to do something with my soul and body if I know with 100% certainty that it is right for me. In the end, I’m called to singleness, I have to believe that my life is still going to be exciting, full of intimacy and friendship and passion and purpose, and worth living. (Here’s where my dad, who says he sometimes READS THIS BLOG breathes a sigh of relief.) We have the benefit of getting to look at Abram and Sarai’s mistakes.

Sarai had an Egyptian maid named Hagar, so Sarai said, “Build a family through her, for I am not a Fertile Myrtle.” Sarai wasn’t there for the contract signing. She didn’t really get it, so she came up with this plan. Abram agreed to it and took the second wife. What followed was dramaaaaaaaa. It was just more complication. Hagar conceived and started lording it over Sarai. Hagar “began to despise her mistress.” It must have rubbed Hagar the right way that she was a successful woman, according to the requirements of the time, yet Sarai still had power over her. Socially, the child would be considered Sarai and Abram’s, not Hagar and Abram’s, and that had to bother Hagar too. Sarai got mad at Abram, blaming him. Abram told Sarai to do whatever she wanted to Hagar, since Hagar was her slave. Sarai mistreated Hagar, and Hagar ran away.

An angel of the Lord found Hagar near a desert spring and told her to go back to Sarai and submit to her. The angel said that Hagar’s baby, Ishmael, would be a “wild donkey of a man,” with his hand against everyone and everyone else’s hand against him. He would live in hostility toward all his brothers. I’m sure this just thrilled Hagar. She responded nicely though. She named the Lord, saying, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” God has many names, and this is a particularly nice one: “The God who sees.” When Hagar bore Ishmael, Abram was 86. It is believed that Ishmael was the father of the Arabic peoples. That’s right. Abram caused the middle eastern conflicts by not being able to wait.