Do everything without complaining or arguing.

I’ve told a couple of people about this, because it had a positive impact on my life, so now I’m going to put it here. I was listening to a sermon by my aunt’s pastor on my iPod, and he brought up a verse that has always given me some trouble. Philippians 2:14. Sometimes the best epiphanies come out of a verse we struggle with or don’t understand.

The verse says, “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” Well, that just won’t work for me. I’m in law school. Also, would it work for anyone? Sometimes issues need to be worked out, conflicts need to arise, and people need to stop others from walking on them. Sometimes arguments and debates can help others see alternate points of view. I don’t mind the complaining part, but I totally think we should argue. One of the best things about the Bible is the fact that the information inside fits real life so well and is useful. This? Not so much. Some translations change the phrase to “complaining or grumbling,” but I think that’s a mistake. The "arguing" part helped me deal with the aftermath of conflict and incidences that angered me.

The pastor pointed out that the original word used that was translated as “arguing” doesn’t refer to an outward argument with other people. It refers to an internal argument. What does that mean? The pastor asked the listeners, “When you are mad at someone, do you ever have an argument with them in your head?” Do you ever rehearse what you would say to them for hours as you are driving, brushing your teeth, doing your makeup, or cleaning your house? Do you ever sit in a constant state of fuming, going over what you would say if they came back with a certain retort, and then what you would say to that? Do you ever practice what you would say to other people regarding your side of the fight? Do you ever defend yourself hypothetically to get out your anger and defend yourself?

This is the arguing the Bible advises against. I believe the pastor is right, because I stopped doing this. At first, it was a hard habit to break. I have lots that I would say to people if I believed they would listen or understand, and instead of saying it to them, I say it to myself. I stage an argument in my head, mentally writing a script where I wittily win every fight and get my point across perfectly. THEN I would catch myself five minutes into it, and I would stop. I kept cutting it off as soon as I realized I was doing it. The knot in my stomach released, and I quit thinking about the things and people that angered me. I quit talking about it and constantly telling the story about why no one understands and how I was wronged. I was able to forgive.

The Bible talks about your thoughts and your heart a lot. Jesus says that if a man hates someone, he murders him in his heart. I think when you stop entertaining revenge fantasies or dwelling on something, you stop indulging yourself and you are able to let it go more. Jesus doesn’t just want us to stop yelling at others or actually killing. He wants us to have the self-control, wisdom, and heart that keeps us in a place where killing and cursing people out isn’t even an option. We haven’t mentally gotten to the place where revenge is a real possibility, because we haven’t allowed ourselves to plan it. We haven’t gotten to the point where we can’t forgive, because we aren’t stroking our egos by constantly thinking about what we would say, and thereby keeping the fight alive. I recommend stopping internal arguments if you do this too. It’ll set you free.