I hope all that bragging was worth it, dude

I have two younger siblings, and I think I’ve mentioned before that we are close. Why? We live by our “sibling code.” Most siblings’ codes are unwritten, but we’re anal enough to write ours down. The code is as follows:

• Keep each other’s secrets when asked
• Never rat each other out, unless the sibling is in real danger (meaning work your conflicts out with each other without involving “the olds” as mediators)
• Don’t throw them under the bus or make them look bad to make thyself look good to thy parents
• Have each other’s backs in conflicts, be they physical or verbal
• The enemy of my sibling is my enemy
• Encourage thy sibling, let them know you are in their corner, and let them know you have high hopes for their futures
• Be your sibling’s friend and spend time with him/her
• Inform sibling when someone is secretly mad at our him and the sibling needs to fix it.
• Give the sibling advice on how to handle specific people or situations, when needed
• Call thy sibling out when he/she is being a douchebag and no one else will tell them
• Be honest and keep promises
• Trust thy sibling and know they have good intentions
• Share thy car (and leave the keys on the table by the door)
• Don’t be greedy with money toward thy sibling
• Don’t be a mooch
• Keep the communal bathroom clean (ish)
• Love everyone they date, unless they are abusive
• If thou art forced to share a bed, like when travelling, you must do your utmost to avoid touching them.
• If sibling yells shotgun, but you beat them to it in a race, sibling can go pound sand
• If it’s thine own car, you get shotgun if you aren’t driving
• Nose goes
• Give thy blood and organs
• Don’t compete and control thy jealousy
• Remember that the oldest sets the tone for the relationships. If the oldest treats the younger ones like they are pieces of crap, too young to hang out with, and only hangs out with their cool, older friends, the tone will be lame.
• Babysit their children and dogs
• Give their TV shows, movies, and books a chance
• Steal their fries when they aren’t looking
• Keep in touch

It boils down to respect. Siblings are humans too. Infuriating humans sometimes, but humans. Jacob’s sons were codeless siblings. This was mostly because Jacob had a favorite. It is a rare sibling code that can survive a parent loving one above all the others. Joseph was 17, and he seems like a spoiled brat. First of all, he “gave his father a bad report” about his brothers. Talkin’ smack. Tattletale. Jacob rewarded him with an “ornate” coat. 

We can just see his jealous older brothers seething. “Who does this guy think he is? Yeah, he was born when our dad was old to his favorite wife, but he’s such a backstabbing pain.” Joseph sounds like an arrogant little dilhole. His brothers end up doing him a favor by putting him through a lot of pain. It molds his character. As a teen, Joseph has these dreams about reigning over his brothers and them bowing down to him. Like a moron, HE TELLS THEM. Even Jacob wasn’t too thrilled to hear about these dreams (even though he “keeps the matter in mind.”) 

Joseph’s brothers are always painted as the bad guys in this story, with Joseph portrayed as meek, wide-eyed, and just telling the truth about the dreams (like in the musical version). It’s possible that Joseph didn’t have any tact or he had Asperger’s or something, but it’s more likely that the Bible shows an unwise teenager in need of grace, baiting his family. After getting a poor reaction from telling the first dream (one tellingly involving food), Joseph goes ahead and tells his family about the second dream. Once again, the Bible doesn’t have heroes and bad guys. It has people. It’s the story of God interacting with real people. 

The Jewish religious leaders didn’t change these stories to make their ancestors look perfect. They were interested in accuracy. The distasteful things and people in the Bible are evidence that it’s true. No one would make this stuff up. It’s too nasty. It gets even worse: Jacob’s many brothers plot to kill Joseph and throw him into a cistern. He’s just too annoying and uppity to live, and that way his dreams won’t come true, right? The oldest, Rueben, isn’t onboard. He says, “Let’s not kill him ourselves. Let’s just throw him into a cistern in the wilderness.” 

Rueben, like your typical conscientious oldest, wanted to rescue Joseph later. He did not, however, have the leadership moxie he should have. He should have been able to just say, “No, that’s a bad idea. Let’s take the high road.” He might have enjoyed being in the mob of brothers with an enemy to bond them. Rueben might have felt belonging and didn’t want them to oust him too. When you take a stand, you have to go all the way with it. Joseph shows up, the brothers take his precious robe, and they throw him in a dry cistern (a hole). Rueben leaves and the other brothers start eating dinner. Bad move leaving, Rueben. 

Some Ishmaelites show up, and one of the brothers and Jesus’s direct ancestor, Judah, says, “Why kill Joseph when we can sell him as a slave? After all, he’s our own flesh and blood. Killing’s probably too bad.” His brothers agree and they do it. They didn’t even make a lot of money. Joseph is then sold to one of the Egyptian Pharaoh’s officials, Potiphar. Rueben returns, sees the empty cistern, and tears his clothes. The brothers cover Joseph’s robe in goat blood, take it back to their father, and claim a wild animal ate Joseph. Jacob is crushed. As usual, God will use all of this for good. Still, if this family were functional, God probably would have brought the good about anyway. He’s a Man with a plan.